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All my life feels as though I have always been
searching for something. Whether or not I actually
knew this was indeed the actual cause of my emotions
at that very moment. As a child,..I searched for the
time I would be treated as an adult, going through the
pangs of adolescence, followed by the harrowing years
of being a teen. For what would I be searching for
there after, seems to be an ongoing theme through
the rest of my adult years. Searching for that
indeterminable reason my life would seem to be so
upside down at times. A quest of my own holy grail,
that eluded me at every possible turn.
What was is it that made everything feel so out
of sorts at times, I couldn't begin to fathom
any reasonable explanation. A roller coaster of
paramount upheaval, left then to an anxiety of
dread. Feelings of unrest and an uneasiness
seemed to stir constantly in my soul.
Is love that of which we fully expect it to be, or
is it a state of mind that we somehow gloss over
the surface, leaving it rough and bare underneath.
We grow older and somewhat wiser,..but the
lingering question that needles us now and again,
never seems to dissipate.
Now as I have witnessed family members
going to their heavenly reward, realizing life is
getting shorter all the time,......a conclusion
has finally given me some peace of mind.
The answer was in me all the time. I could not see
what was so plain and within my grasp like a ring
on a carousel ride,...I always tried to see what was
beyond it,... I never could. The focus was
within myself, not beyond that which I could not
see nor had any control over.
Peace in my heart and life, comfortable in
my own skin. Deal with everything that comes
my way with a dignity and solace that allows my
spirit to soar to new heights.
Never again shall I be looking for more
than my life has allowed, never again
shall I be
~~searching~~
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Honorable mention
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