Bleeding Out My Truths.

Dear Juana,
Yes I did decide to change my AP name from Awakeinside4..for the fact that I felt this name suited me much better. My name Awakeinside4..meant a question Awake inside for? Why I am I awake inside, what am I living for inside this brain; what is my purpose? Even in my live journal I end up sounding like some philosophical musical freak. Well, I am a music freak but philosophy can be as simple as what's the symbol of me waking up tomorrow, am I ready for something to happen?
I haven't talked to you in a while and I think we should talk more because even though I've been on here for over a year, you were the first friend I made, and now I'm more of a loner on here. Haha. In real life I'm like that too sometimes, but it's really that I have good friends, I just feel lonely all the time. Even when someone is standing next to me, I know they will be leaving soon. I like to fill the emptiness in my house when I'm alone; I like being alone there. I can scream and no one can ask me what's wrong. Summer is supposed to be less stress, right? Heh. Not for me; the first thing that came through my mind was studying for the SATs because I'm taking them again this fall. And I'm worried about getting ready for college, visiting colleges, writing essays, applying for college. It all just makes my head hurt but hey, I'm known for jumping the gun you could say. If you talked to me more you would figure that out. It. Never. Ends. I'm a bundle o' nerves. Poetry makes up for it, when I let the pain ink onto the page, and I'm in fact bleeding the truth, hence my new name. I believe all my life I will be bleeding the truth, because it never comes out easily, it's usually almost easy. Sending paperhearts your way.
Love,
Marisa.