So fragile,
their tiny wings
with such pretty colours and patterns,
beat so powerfully
propelling each butterfly
into a butterbye world.
I want to follow them all,
will you help me run with them?
i was told
once upon a time,
if you run fast enough
you'll fly.
If i fly i can follow them all,
i can leave behind any pain,
and threats of you
and the thought of you leaving me
will become a distant ache
fading into a void.
I want to be
a Butterfly
so fraglie and delicate,
when you look
but inside
power and pride sums them.
I want to summon this
with just a lift of my wing,
and take to the skies
leading to
Butterbye world,
and say so long.
But I can't do it myself
will you help me go along
to Butterbye world,
just shoot me
or stab me,
maybe just pluck away my shell.
If you helped me up this tree
and tied some rope around me,
my neck would be best,
then just let me jump
and i'll land safely in
Butterbye world.
With all the Butterflies
it wil be so pretty
I can do what I please
with my outstretched hands
I'll chase them around,
in Butterbye world.
Butterflies
flutterbye,
to,
Butterbye world
i'm just behind you,
Goodbye.
They'll carry me onwards,
Onwards and upwards,
into butterbye world
with the butterflies,
and me
I will be free.
Author notes
(c) to Josie Jolley
A contest entry
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i want to know your honest opinion.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Butterflies, flutterbye.HOw great it would be to fly.I love dragons..and like to have their wings to fly away too. great poem. You write in a similare fashion as I...Im glad you commentd on my poems. I added you as a favorite of mine..Take care
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Hm.. I did not really enjoy this write. It seemed very cheesy and a bit repulsive.
Needs improvement: Butterbye? Every time I saw that line.. I just.. I don't know.
Overall grade: 1/10
Thanks for entering -
I want to follow them all,
will you help me run with them?
i was told
once upon a time,
if you run fast enough
you'll fly.'
Beautiful write.
thanks for entering.
-
Almost like a childs fairy tale. Thank you for entering.
-
i really like this one. to tell you the truth, i think it's the best i have gotten so far.
you should win every contest with this one. i'll definitely have you in mind when i pick finalists. -
What has been noted here is pure genius, it describes the deepest fear of everyone which is death. The stanzas are taken to calm and then upgraded to death. Its as if you are describing the heavens that await everyone by hypnotic dreams and thoughts, you have been here in you mind and finely describes what will await.
Fabulous write.
xpxfx -
This is WOW, I deffinately love where you went with this, totally outstanding write here, just whoa, And beautifully written, with the rope and tree, "butterbye" loved it all!!!! excellent!
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You went comma crazy. LOL. Think about each stanza as a sentence. If you wouldn't put a comma in the sentence than don't put it in the stanza. Make sure to capitalize those I's. When you use I as a word you always capitalize it. Other than that I really liked were you took this. At first glance it was a soft pretty poem about butterflies but than as I read on I saw the deeper meaning. Really loved the seventh stanza. You wrote so calm and innocent which was different as you were asking to be killed. Very creative take. And the different ways you used butterfly, like butterbye,flutterbye, really the flow sharp and fun to read. I really liked this one. Great job.
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