the door locked tight
my razor on the floor
although i tried with all my might
a can't take this anymore
blood covers the wall
with my mind in this state
a spell out my last call
with my blood i write "you're to late."
tears fall down my face
turning my eyes red
i fly above the world with grace
as i put the gun to my head.
black raindrops fall on the lawn
turning ground into sky
my soul is happily dead and gone
but my sorrow will never die.
any ideas for making it better??
Comments
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this is good to i like da my soul is happily dead n gone but my sorrow will never die dats a good line
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thats brill i know exactly how you feal publsh it some where
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Excellent
Excellent, I loved it
you have some errors to correct like putting the before sky but other than that it is well written and the imagery is great. keep it up.
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hey thanks 4 the comment but thats the way i wantd it writen...lol but thanks 4 ur advice...
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