She sits in the broken glass
Wondering what happened
Why were her dreams shattered
She screams "Why are you doing this to me?"
He screams " Because you lied and cheated on me"
He takes the knife and he slits her wrists
She screamed " I loved you but you hate me"
He then picks up an ax and moves it near her
She screams " I'd die for you"
He screams "That is where you lied"
He takes the knife and cuts her heart out
He then stomps on her heart
He pours Kerosene on it and drops a match
He screams "Fuck you lying Bitch"as her rips out her spine
He then slits his wrists and hangs himself with her spine
Her tears
His pain
Her lust
His shame
Are forever etched in this bloody oblivion
We call Hell
A contest entry
- Life goes on or just goes by Papabear 4 Rosered.
825 points, ended July 6, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites from June 2009 by Miss Faerie.
700 points, ended August 9, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Halloween by Shadow Anonymised.
400 points, ended August 21, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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The start is stunning, i'm reading it and finding myself lost in this moment of fear before it goes downhill.
'He then picks up an ax and moves it near her'
It just doesn't bring me any fear, take out 'He then' and adjust the first part to make sense and it will be a lot better, and yo might want to make it:
'Fuck you. Lying bitch' or
'Fuck you, you lying bitch' it makes sense as it is but the flow becomes a lit tight arounf there.
Over all very good work and keep going.
Ecki -
stunning piece. not terrifying but well written.
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um, ok. Those are pretty pictures you have there.
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Thank you for your entry
It was the last lines in this that really blew me away. I feel that you could have emphasised more what it was that turned them to this. Very well done.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck
Shari
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wwoww i love this...just great work..nice
keep it up -
Oh My a girl after my own heart, in the Poetry way of course lol. Very morbid and dark and beautiful in its own way. great write
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Hell
Your poem belongs in Hell. that's my verdict. becuase there's murder, revenge, sexy crying, bloody oblivion, and more. completely worthy, or a fire. -
Liars are dyers!
This could disembowel one's mind!
I thought I could write some dark stuff! You win!
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god i have goose bumps that was really good so much pain in your words
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