eight months
and the house is still
missing an owner
the sweet, musty smell of
premature abandonment
permeates its unlit interior, sealed
away from the unchecked
grass growing high
this place gives me chills
the spot where your couch sat
and you never got up
Author notes
Dad.
1962 - 2008.
Won silver in this contest: http://allpoetry.com/contest/2452725
In a list
Comments
1 - 50 of 50
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How sad this poem is. Loss is such a great motivator, whether it be for sadness, or for renewal. I just recently lost my father, so this poem was particularly touching, and I enjoyed the read for what it was. Excellent write and thank you for sharing.
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Here we are, finally a good poem to read. You established a mood with your words and carried it through to the end where you reveal the content and the theme of the condition of the house you describe. Very well done.
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Wow
Wow. Powerful, beautifully written, and really sad. It took me two reads to get it properly. Beautiful
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Perfectly written, concise.
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This was very well written. You seem to have broke your lines in the right spots to make a smooth flow, and it was direct and to the point. Nicely done.
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When I lost my mom (the last one living in the "house"), the bank bought it, tore it down, and made it into a parking lot. Now everyone says what a shame it is to lose it. I don't think so. It is much easier for me to drive down that street and not see it and all the memories that would accompany it. Kudos to you and I am sorry for your loss.
Marcia
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Aww.... so sad... Isn't it ironic what people cherish in life....wastes away in death...
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wow i love your poem
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This is very good.
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hershey101
Cool poem! -
wow
Simple and very effective -
Oh wow! Man, that ending was AWESOME, really hits the reader and makes them re-read it again just for that inital impact, or at least I did. (:
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It's beautiful.
You've really got a way with words. It's well penned, to the point, and leaves the readers thinking they've got smacked in the face with your reality.
Well done.
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Vey deep and touching. I enjoyed it.
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Your poems touch my heart with so much meaning and emotions. I relly enjoy the metaphors you use to get the point across. I'm so sorry for your dads loss. Keep on penning like this for you are good writing from your heart.
You say so much with a short poem too.
Jade
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There are no metaphors.
Thank you.
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Great
Nothing as lonesome as an abandoned house, it seems the very walls want to talk.
If strangers move into it it will be just another empty house bu to the writer it will always be a place some one never left.
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Thank you for your entry
This is really well written. Your words allow the reader to feel your emotions. The image is just clear in the mind, of a man in a chair and an empty house where he used to be. Brilliantly done.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck
Shari
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thats ill
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22.7 / 25
As what my original comment says at the bototm of the page, definitely impresses me.
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when i began reading i thought this was another bullshit metaphor about lost love. i was pleasingly thrown off with the last few lines and the the author note that saddened me. [ILT]
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very very nice
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that touched my heart.
loved it.
Good Write.
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profound and touching.
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Loved it
I really enjoyed reading this...its really powerful and raw. -
this is brilliant!! beautiful and heartfelt and I am so sorry for your loss.
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Wow! This is intense! There is a lot of emotion and feeling! You expressed yourself so well!
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short, sharp and piognant ...nuf said...
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Yes, congrats on the spotlight. Excellent.
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That's the magic of this place, it pulls everything from us. Things we would never share with anyone, after waiting for twenty-four years, I wrote about my dad's death, then felt better for it, perhaps you will too. This is haunting.
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this is wonderful, very powerful and raw.
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there is great depth here
your image is that of pure and raw emotion
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Wow, this is awesome. Such powerful words. Good luck.
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Oooh eerie and touching all at the same time.
It was definitely intense and it draws the reader right into it.
Very good choice of words and very good poem!
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See what I mean?
You write something that is very close to your emotions and your poetry drops all it's nonsense and radiatates out in one consentrated beam, that cuts through as a lazar.
That is to say, this is wonderful. Sharp and poignant. I feel it with you. And I can only imagine what the spot where the couch is would freak me out. Just as much as you, I suppose.
The only thing I might say about this, is drop 'unwanted'. It has no place and mars the beauty of this.
You have done well my friend. This really comes across.
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First time Ive ever read anything and actually got a chill. So eerie, it makes me think a cold, lifeless body my have sat on that couch for eight months before it was ever even discovered! Makes me think of how my own life my come to an end, how and where will I be found? thank you for such a thought and emotion provoking write.
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Excellent
Well observed with all the words it needed. A simple expression of loss that reeks of reality and through it great sadness.
Chris
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wow this is really great and really well written. fantastic!
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forgot to clap
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wow.. surprised with the ending..
intense
~rana~
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This is pretty good!
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wow,
this stunned me.
So vivid, and raw.
Well done on a surpurb write and goodluck in your comptition!
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btw. i nominated this for front page
This poem def. needs to be put in the limelight
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Thank you. Never had a piece on the front page before.
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this is so poignant and realistic and so sad, too. He's died, hasn't he, so sad and the visual here of an empty house waiting for life inside again, such a veil of sadness, yet it's all so clear. Lovely work.
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Really clear and concise full of quiet emotion delivered by the imagery, a spotless tale even though short,enjoyed keep stepping
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this is what I was looking for when I started this contest. Beautiful.
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It's nice to come across a writer that is able to put the reader right into the drama. Not many have that ability, or they try and epically fail. You have not. The style is nicely woven of abstract elements that are kept simple. The tapestry is delectable and my poetic appetite, I find, is rather satiated because the diction is amazingly robust without having to grab out my dictionary. I knew there was a reason I favourited you, and this is it.
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