Now here in the orchard
Our hearts have grown old
Our cherries of cheer are just jaded
Our once happy apples have miserable mould
And sadly our passion fruit’s faded
With barren and brittle old branches that reach
Our olive tree’s twisted and tortured
And our love’s no longer a plum and a peach
For we have grown old in the orchard
Now here in the garden
We’ve grown just like weeds
With dark devil claws that are clasping
Like poisonous plants born from really bad seeds
Our clutches are greedy and grasping
And unlike the beautiful blossoms and blooms
With open hearts that never harden
We’re reeking with rancor not pretty perfumes
For we’ve grown like weeds in the garden
Now here in Nirvana
Our minds have grown vile
And just like the rudest of rumors
Like terrible tares bearing blistering bile
We spread like the deadliest tumors
And unlike the flowers in dales of delight
Bestowing bright butterfly manna
Our wretched old roots are a blemishing blight
For we have grown vile in Nirvana
Now here in green Eden
Our souls have grown black
Nefarious and never sharing
Like dirty old decadent lechers we lack
A sense of compassionate caring
And unlike the fruits of Elysium fields
Where we have sown our demon seed in
We bear hellish bane and not heavenly yields
For we have grown black in green Eden
A contest entry
- A heart that loves is always young. by silverscent.
620 points, ended July 6, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
Very nicely done.
The use of alliteration is so strong in this, it's great. Also, I'm not usually a fond reader of rhyme, but in my opinion you nailed it!
Beautiful use of language too. Thanks for entering
-
I love the way this poem speaks of humankind and its ills without preaching or condescension. The rhyme is immaculate and definitely lifts the poem to another dimension. I can honestly say I have enjoyed reading this more than any other poem in a very long time.
-
I like the way each verse was set in a different location, but added more to the developing tale. Excellent rhyme, liked "manna/Nirvana". Interesting variation on the swap octet too.
"Where we have sown our demon seed in" - seems to have an extra syllable.
-
Wow, this was a really good write. It flowed wonderfully, and it was weird to. Weird is good though.
Good luck in the contest!
Adding your comment:
