Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Built Upon Ethereal






I am wrapped in a cocoon of flat fields of vision,
  retinas burnt to screens
  to comb the depths of a world
  where none have ever been,
  creating things I can’t really touch
and playing games where I don’t play.
And at times I wonder
  if what isn’t really there
is worth anything at all,
  or if, like a world built on credit
we’re banking on something
    that may never be truly real. 






Author notes


It seems that more and more of our culture is becoming based upon things that don't exist in tangible reality. Whether it be the ethereal society of the world wide web, the financial crisis caused by people spending money that they didn't have, or people fabricating lives for themselves from thin air, whatever it is, it won't last.

-Thefallout

www.theeverlastingfallout.com/read

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • etoilier
    June 22

    Edit | Reply

    Slight Descent

    The first half or so of this is brilliant - between the flow and the vividness of description - love it. Kind of falls flat for me at the end. The point your getting at is in need of some clarity I think. I feel the way you express it does not match the fluidity and dynamism of the first half.

    The lines "And at times I wonder
    if what isn’t really there
    is worth anything at all,"

    I interpret this to mean that meaningful things are missing from the cocoon of flat vision, but then you offer what seems like it should be an opposite "banking on things that may not be real". So what exactly is missing or is unreal? It seems to me you are saying that both the credit world and the real world are not certain to be real. That seems contrary to my experience, but perhaps that is the point you were trying to make?

    The title, specifically using "ether", supports that latter point because ether is not a real substance but was thought to be. I suppose my criticism lies in my disagreeing with your point, at least as per how I interpreted it. If I am right, well done. If not, revision of the second half is in order.

    Either way, I enjoyed the read and I think it's clear you enjoyed writing this also.

    etoilier


    • Everlasting-Fallout
      June 22
      Edit | Reply
      First of all, much thanks for the well thought out comment. It's rare to receive a comment from someone who has taken the time to think through the poem and is willing to give their views on it.

      I think you may be right about revising the second half, and I probably will do it at some point. Your interpretation is pretty darn close to what I was thinking about as I wrote this, and one of the things I love is the fact that poems can be taken in such a wide array of ways. So here's what was going through my mind as I wrote this (not to say that you were wrong in what you thought, but only to allow you a glimpse into my mind);

      The basic premise behind the poem is that it seems to me that more and more of our world is being moved into a state of "unreality". Take, for instance, the transfer of art from the canvas to the screen. A digital artist can't really touch or feel the piece as he works upon it. I do a lot of graphic design and digital art, and sometimes I just have to shut the computer down and go, grab a piece of paper and some paint or ink or charcoal and give myself a chance to really do something that is actually THERE.

      It's a similar thing to that that has led us into the current economic crisis. People banked (ha, get it...money, banks, banking....) on money that they didn't really have, and it didn't end well for many of them. That's exactly what the credit system is, people spending money they don't have in hopes of getting the money to pay back what they've spent.

      I guess this is more of a commentary on current culture than anything. Though I certainly do believe that this life (though it is more real than the lives that people "live" in cyberspace) is not the highest reality. In my opinion, calling this life the ultimate thing would be similar to a World of Warcraft player calling the "life" they live in the game the only true reality. It would be a bit silly to say the least

      Once again, much thanks for the comment. And now I shall go read some of your own poems...someone who takes the time to write such a well thought comment must have some well thought poetry as well, no?

      -Thefallout
      www.theeverlastingfallout.com/read