These summer days are blissfully delight
Each second treasured like a morning star
Or as the full Moon's face shines on the night
We gently share our love inside your car ( Not the bad kind)
I think of all the time we'll have to talk,
To hold your hand and look into your eyes,
Of California shores we long to walk
And dreamy, darkened, moonlit, midnight skies
Our future may not always be so clear
And plans we make can sometimes go awry
But listen to me closely baby, dear
There's a reason why we fail at saying bye
I can't believe how perfect you can be
Or how happy I am when you're with me
Author notes
English Sonnet
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I loved it, literally.
ohman, this was beautiful.
- ive been wanting to get a Shakespeare sonnet tattooed on me and oh man this modern day sonnet just blew me away. i just hope you wouldn't mind.
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I really like this : )
it flows pretty well except i think that when you say,
There's a reason we fail at saying bye
it sounds a little off there, i think it might sound better if you were to have 'goodbye', instead of just 'bye'
Overall great work, keep writing.
- Cass
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You give me hope. I've been working on a sonnet for over a month, but am stuck. will post it when done and I have given to my wife first, naturally.
This flows quite well for the most part, though I too, think the comment in parantheses throws a wrench in the work.
Perhaps for that line... "we share our gentle love within your car". ? or "we share innocent love within your car" ?
And, purely for the syllable count... perhaps line 12 could be "there's a reason why we fail saying 'bye".
I do love the simple, honest feelings you've shared here.
Write On!
jIM
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Aww
I always enjoy it when someone actually follows through the complications of writing a sonnet.
It is sweet you wrote her a sonnet.
I do admit it is a little "gushy" if that sums it up, but that must be what you are going for.
The comment in parenthesis does throw off the beat of the sonnet, and I would advise to change that.
Overall, good job. -
very cliche and overdone, even though it is a sonnet i just can't appreciate the rhyme-y togetherness of it. good attempt at trying to be sweet, though.
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wow, this is beautifully written. i dont know where to start on writing a sonnet, but i have enjoyed yours here. thank you for sharing.
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