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never enough

a single tear
my wish, no where near
and everything else, oh it's not so clear

so why must we dream
of things unseen
always forgetting to say what we mean

in each circle we run
not knowing what's begun

it starts so slow
can't wait for go

and what's once good enough
is never enough


Author notes

more unfinished lyrics

In a list

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • kay772
    September 27

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    I love your style of writing. I have noticed in the past few poems i have read by you that you write about how you feel which is what a poem is but like what i mean is how you cant always express how you feel in the way you want. if that makes since...i am not sure it does it sounded alot beter in my head, so i guess i should just say that i like it and like the way you write.


  • NeptunesMight
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    i like this alot so far. make a suggestion? last two lines i like where their going but i think their in a wrong place just seems like its going to fast in the song to be such short meaningful lines, so maybe have those written aside and start from the next lines up maybe a new wind will blow your way

  • ozma
    July 4

    Edit | Reply

    Great start!

    I like this very much...my suggestion for the last lines would be to take out the "and" and add "was", as I feel the contraction "what's" is awkward in this instance.


  • CookieZeal Greeters member
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    From one guitar player to another, I am trying to imagine the score for this one.

    Must be quite an extraordinary piece. Does it have
    a chorus?
    Key of A?
    Nicely expressed.
    Thank you for sharing. Warmly, CookieZeal/D/Site Greeter :


  • Jade Rain
    June 23

    Edit | Reply
    You know, most of the time I wish poems were longer, but in this one I think you nailed the length. I like that it leaves mystery, yet allows you to connect with your emotions at the same time. Bravo!


  • kirbysman Moderators member
    June 22

    Edit | Reply

    Nice, Nice, Nice

    Love this start - keep it going. Has a nice rhythm and the rhymes are good as well. Kind of a sad song but keep it going and build on this. Ready to hear the rest of it, or at least more of it.


    GP Paul

1 - 6 of 6