she says
"so, it's like this..."
takes his hand in between the sky and her fingers
and opens her mouth but he stops and speaks
"what?"
the red head ducks, smiles slowly and
never mind,
i'm fine.
[x]
i am mirrored like the sea, you look
into my soft core and find yourself
mixed between the waves and bottle
caps.
i stretch my mouth to occupy the air
between our smiles and you
just nod nod nod
in-between your hurried narcissistic discussions about
how everything you do is turning out
just right.
[x]
and she was slouching in her hair
to escape the haste of the night
and the buzzards clawing viciously at her wooden eyes
and the children begging her to
"come down! come down!"
when all she wanted was to inhale a cigarette filter
and look for him in the empty rooms
that crowded the house and next-door apartments.
it was mirrors on the
yellowed tile cast across
the air like feathers from
an open pillow silent willing companions
that mocks the lights and shadows we breathe
and laugh because we think of love like
monopoly, or clue, or sorry.
easy and bordered and
lined up with the pieces we choose.
[vx3]
i regret the soft push of the telephone
as i hung up without saying
i love you.
i regret my mouth and how it bites my nails into
ugly un-ladylike specks.
i regret that i wish he would say goodnight and forget
that you're supposed to
i regret my indifference
i regret myself and what i have made.
[x, is for goodbye]
she is hugging her knees to her
chest and patting the top of the couch
with her fingers and her mother is
yelling in the background.
she can see the ceiling start to break and her
angry ribs rise up to meet her potent skin
she grazes her lips with palm,
quiets the screaming with the back of her
veins and feels the pulse of her
insides start to blacken as he leaves smelling of
soft alcohol and doesn't ask what's wrong
again.
Author notes
tinkerbell-or-me
this is the only way to explain what is going on in my life
i hope you understand it
sorry it's so long :/
the ending is cliche.
but, that is how my story ends.
A contest entry
- explode, okay? by aanika.
1750 points, ended July 27, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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my darling....I love you...
"i regret the soft push of the telephone
as i hung up without saying
i love you.
i regret my mouth and how it bites my nails into
ugly un-ladylike specks.
i regret that i wish he would say goodnight and forget
that you're supposed to
i regret my indifference
i regret myself and what i have made.
[x, is for goodbye]"
-
this is a beautiful piece. don't worry about the length or anything, because this was honestly perfect. there is nothing here that's out-of-place. and your originality is amazing...you are such a brilliant writer.
i love how original you are with everything. reading you is like taking a breath of fresh air. it's great.
missed your work so much.
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i love how abstract this is but how it all ties together to make something so beautiful and painful and amazing.
"the air
between our smiles"
that's an amazing concept. this whole thing is amazing.
i need a bigger vocabulary when it comes to commenting your stuff
<3 -
i love the imagery in this!great job!
-
in between
-'in-between'
opening stanza is flawless. i'm not kidding, the mood it speaks is so honest.
mixed between the waves and bottle
caps.
-that is so gorgeous. the addition of bottlecaps to the waves is stunning. i really like that.
discussions about
how everything you do is turning out
just right.
-fabulous formatting. this really reads perfectly.
she was slouching in her hair
-'chair'
that mock the lights and shadows we breathe
-'mocks', other than that, i adore this line.
back round
-'background'
she can see the ceiling start to break
-i love it. lovelovelove it
-
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thank you for correcting me.♥ : )
actually though, it is supposed to be hair, haha.
thank you for your comment, i'm soo glad you liked it.<3
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Overwhelming . . . this is stunning and crushing . . . a weight that sinks me past where the air lives. Like being underwater too long.
There is nothing about this that you need to apologise for; the ending; the length . . . it all works together to create the atmosphere and express something complex and nuanced. Short stories can be nice, novels are so much better. This is just right.
This is simply excellent.
Garrison
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Thank you so much, your comments are always amazing.
I really need to go check out some of your work, soon.
I apologize for my procrastination. :]
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