Tears emerge soflty from the corner of my dark brown
eyes, as it rains on a partially boring and
devastating day.
As angry as I am and as fierce as I feel,
the wind blew ferociously, lightning flashed before
my eyes, fire ignited from summer sleet to dance on
the surface of the seas.
And thunder,
struck from a cloud of angry sorrow swifter than a
bullet's barrell could decide between life or death!
And I stared outside of my windowpane, as the
precipitation of my eyes clouded my vision. . .
The aqua, vividly reflecting what my sight has seen
---- flashbacks of sweet bliss and inevitable chaos
embellished in raindrops,
televised in the skies for the world's entertainment.
But my river pupils didn't like the spotlight,
escaping abruptly down stream by the force of
emotion in my vulnerable blink.
But through the crack underneath my window I felt
the curves of the wind, spirits, reminding me that
there is still a tomorrow.
Still a day to calm the winds, diffuse the lightning,
silence the thunder, fan out the flames, and
dehydrate the clouds. . .
Still a day to conquer the storm. . .
inside.
Do you think this is a stage piece or page piece? Please still comment on everything else and what you feel about the poem as well. Thanx!
Comments
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Page Piece
No matter how powerful words may sound, yours were absolutely enchanting on paper.
But you also seem like the kind of upbeat person that would read this well, not to mention with entertaining enthusiasm.
I am not one to constantly revise and edit, for I write my feelings as they come and try to spell correctly and use proper grammar simultaneously.
I admire those with enough patience to revise.
~~~~ Khelo
.... Umm.... This is where I would normally leave the hugs and/or kisses for my friends poems, but I will simply leave a
and smiles 
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Thanks a lot for your honest critiques! I greatly appreciate your perception of my performing level. Yeah I'm an editor, just as much as I'm a writer. It's both a gift and a curse (don't really feel like explaining, LOL). But thank you, I've actually edited this piece already, so since you like this can't wait to see what you think about the newly revised version.
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i was like watch this shits gonna be wack.just kidding ! lol.no but really i loved this. it was nicely done,i wanted to know why you spent so much time revising this and i think it was so worth it.its very beautiful and the images are so strong.really well done, i cant wait to read more of your writes.
'But through the crack underneath my window I felt
the curves of the wind, spirits, reminding me that
there is still a tomorrow.'
- my favorite part, never stop writing.
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Oh WOW! LOL! Thanks alot and you might laugh when I tell you this but I'm actually revising tis piece again. LOL!And I think you and everybody else who loves this will like it's revision even better! But thanks so much for such an explosive comment and I'm very happy and relieved that you don't think it's wack! LOL! Can't wait to return the favor and see if you're as good as a writer as you are a reviewer.
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haha, ill be sure to come back and read it.
i hope you find my writes interesting, least to say.
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Well I can't wait for your opinion on it. LOL! And I'm pretty sure I will, you seem like a REAL writer and not just someone doing it for a hobby, so I think you'll be on my good side. lol.
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well im sure you'll be happy to know i spit out the truth, not in that obnoxious way though.
do send me the link when your done with it though. and write some more !
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Your words are simply incredible. The way your words connect to each other is beautiful. The key is to write a following word not naturally associated. Which you've done nearly to perfection.
Allow me to copy-paste:
"As angry as I am and as fierce as I feel,
the wind blew ferociously, lightning flashed before
my eyes, fire ignited from summer sleet to dance on
the surface of the seas."
You were born to do this.
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Aw man! OMG! WOW! Thanks a lot. I really appreciate your appreciation for my work. I really do!!! Thank you so much for your honesty and saying I was born to do this cause sometimes I think otherwise. So thanx!
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WOW!!! I had to actually go back and look at your age LOL!! This is very impressive and I can tell that your writing talent just rains on you. I so enjoyed reading this piece you penned here. This was so expressive and vivid that I could see this. Can't wait to see more of your work! Keep penning hon
struck from a cloud of angry sorrow swifter than a
bullet's barrell could decide between life or death!
And I stared outside of my windowpane, as the
precipitation of my eyes clouded my vision. . .
The aqua, vividly reflecting what my sight has seen
---- flashbacks of sweet bliss and inevitable chaos
showcased in raindrops,
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AW MAN! Thank you so much! LOL! I know, I actually don't feel seventeen I feel much older! LOL! I like to think my voice and alot of poetry-writing peers' voice are the urging releasing of words from those of us who seem to have no say and those of us who physically really don't have a say. But anyhew thank you sincerely for such an amazing comment and I can't tell you how much better I feel right now since you just threw a few darts at my insecurities. Your opinion as is every other amazing writer is valued and very helpful to me. Thanx!!!
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A helluva ride you took me on. I can feel the flow of the storm and the bang at the end. Thank you for an exceptional piece
Passions
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Thank you so much for a raving review! I really glad you liked it and appreciate your honesty! Thanks!!!
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A Ferocious Talent
This is not practice, this is love for the elements, nature
you took me and placed me behind a window pane...but I had to
go outside...I could feel the gaudy drops of heaven rain's. I walked and thought as I read, and became one with the stormy night...This is beautiful, and I could easy turn it into a stage piece of art....It's a micheal-angelo in words,,,,excellent...novy
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Thanks Novy! I value your kindness and your poetic intellect as well as your understanding of this very personal piece I written! I really appreciate such honesty and feedback you just don't know!
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Wow you are an extremely talented writer! This is such a well written piece I absolutely love how you ended it. Looking forward to reading more of your work!
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Well thank you Hope! I really appreciate and value your sincerity of words. I will post more work very soon and hopefully you like it as much as you did this piece. You should check out my other piece, "Sacrifice of the Extraordinary" I think you'll like it. Thanx again for such a comment I genuinely do appreciate it! Thank you!
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This is wonderful, my friend! I love the emotional intensity you have created. I love these images particularly:
"fire ignited from summer sleet to dance on
the surface of the seas."
and
"precipitation of my eyes clouded my vision."
I like the way you have ended with the possibilities of the new day-a new day to conquer the storm.
Nicely done!
K
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Thank you! I've performed and read that poem all around my city and most people react to the "fire" line as well. Thanks Nick for your honesty and kindness I greatly appreciate it!
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Amazing my friend.Truly amazing.Your poetry is some of the best I have read in a long time.You have such a gift.This poem speaks directly to my heart and I could not have asked for better.
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WHOA! OH MY GOD! THANK YOU SO MUCH! THIS IS THE BEST REVIEW I'VE EVER GOT ON THIS SITE EVER. I KNOW MY PROFILE PAGE MAY SAY I'VE ONLY BEEN A MEMBER SINCE JUNE 21ST BUT I HAD A PREVIOUS PAGE THAT I DELEDTED A WHILE AGO AND SINCE JUNE 21ST I'VE BEEN BACK! SO BASICALLY I'M REMINISCING WITH THE SITE I'M NOT NECESSARILY NEW TO IT. BUT ANYWAY, THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH I AM BEYOND SPEECHLESS AND YOU JUST MADE MY NIGHT AND PUT A MINI-BOOSTER ON MY CONFIDENCE IN MY WRITING, SO THANK YOU INFINITELY! HOPEFULLY YOU LIKE MY FUTURE POSTS JUST AS MUCH OR MAYBE MORE!
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this is stunning. a really amazing piece and really well written. this has alot of emotion and really made me think, it also moved me. a great write and well appriciated.
thank you for entering and good luck -
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Thanks so very much and you are very welcome!
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first off I want to say thank you so much for your comments on my poem "murderer". I'm shivering I'm so overwhelmed by your reaction, I'm incredibly thankful. I really like the title "Curves of the Wind" its interesting. The background is absolutely perfect, really brought on a immediate feeling. Your discriptions are very well worded and paint a perfect picture in my mind. you really can set up a presence perfectly. Thanks for a great read.
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Your very welcome for my raving review on your piece, "Murderer". And believe me when I say I did nothing but honestly speak the truth. And thank you for your comment on this piece of mine. It is really close to my heart, so any good and HONEST words spoken, written, or even thought about any of my poems is something I cherish greatly and take immense pride in so thank you and you're welcome!
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The background is awesome and enhances the poem so well.
First, I want to say that I adore your descriptions. They are intense and tangible - I could taste the storm in the air, the heaviness of it all. Your words were stormy themselves - at times electric, like bolts of lightning straight to the mind, other times like ominous clouds gathering in my view.
I think this is a page piece. It could easily be read aloud and still be well received, but I love seeing it on the page. Something about the form, the flow of the lines, the way the words look placed together - it creates a tension with the reader, sucks them into the storm so to speak.
Well done!
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Aw wow thanks so much! LOL! I appreciate your comment so much! And I'm so glad you liked the piece. I'm pretty sure about 4 years and a few months ago you may feel differently cause believe when I say this poem has not always sounded like this (LMAO!) and considering it's the very first official poem I've ever written of course it won't come out at it's best right away right? Thank you! Like I said before I'm glad you liked this piece it's my first poem so it's very close to me it's really a heart mender for it to be reviewed with such high compliments.
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So ominous and forboding. Gives the sense of despair and at the end the ability to resect oneself. A quiet battle raging on unnoticed... Great write, I would like to read and comment more of your writes.
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Wow thanks alot! I'm really glad you liked it. And I can't wait to post more of my work for you to read. Hopefully you like them just as much as you like this piece or maybe more.
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you have some great alliteration in this and the imagery is fanatastic... you have a powerful pen...keep writing
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Thanx! I strongly believe the most powerful assest and approach in poetry is imagery so I'm glad you liked it!
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Beautiful Write.
This is a truly beautiful write. Great use of imagery and metaphors. This is a very powerful piece that plays on the readers emotions. Great write.
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Thank you! I work really hard on my writing by adding appropriate imagery with wording it could just sink into, reside, and bring the piece to life! Sometimes I think I work a little too hard on my writing (LMAO) but that's just because I love poetry so much!
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You're Most definitely Welcome.
No. A true writers work is never done!
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I strongly agree. Thanx!
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i like that you used most of your imagery to convey an idea and other emotions, rather than just imagery just for the sake of having imagery. i enjoyed this!
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Aw thanx! I never really thought of it like that, but I'm glad I did use my imagery to convey an idea and other emotions rather than just imagery for the sake of imagery because this poem would make no sense like you said. I never noticed that though cause all of my poems do that, so hopefully you like and enjoy my other pieces just as much as you did this one or maybe even more! Thanx man!
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beautiful. I musst say that this piece filled me with emotions and gae me chills.
"But through the crack underneath my window I felt
the curves of the wind, spirits, reminding me that
there is still a tomorrow.
Still a day to calm the winds, diffuse the lightning,
silence the thunder, fan out the flames, and
dehydrate the clouds. . .
Still a day to conquer the storm. . .
inside."
that was my favorite part because I have been in many a storms of my own and in the end I always feel "the curves of the wind,spirits, reminding me that there is still a tomorrow"
Fantastic write...a true work of art.
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Oh! WOW! Thank you so much! I'm so happy I touched you with my writing as much as you did me! I am incredibly grateful for such a powerful and spiritual renewal or atleast a piece of that for someone to obtain from my writing! That is one of the various reasons why I do this and will NEVER stop! Thank u.
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Wow what a beautiful piece. I love any piece about rain, and this one was magnificant.
This line gave me chills "And thunder,
struck from a cloud of angry sorrow swifter than a
bullet's barrell could decide between life or death!!" oh my this poem was amazing. Wonderfully penned
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Thank ya! Thank ya! I'm soo happy u liked this poem. You just made my night, well morning considering it's 2 am LOL!
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wow
rage and sorrow.....pain and so many other emotions....you're an amazing writter and this is fantastic....i love it...please write more work -
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WHOA! thanx for such an incredible comment. And I hope u like the next piece I post even more than this one or atleast just as much. Thanx again for the honesty. what we can do with a pen and paper truly is something isn't it!?
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Welcome to Allpoetry
I like what I read. You are very descriptive and vivid in your words and you can show what you mean just by writing. A great piece. Welcome to the site
Laura,
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Aw thanks much! I'm very picky and cautious with my word choice and ways to tie it in with my description of whatever I'm describing. So thank u, I'm happy to see that revising a poem and working hard on it shows to other writers and not just me.
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nice piece keep it up i like it.
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Thanks alot man! I apprectiate it!
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A vivid and really interesting piece. Love how you twisted it so that it changed in the end. Keep writing, and welcome to AP! Hope to see some reads in the future.
~ Ryan ~
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Thanx so much! I'm glad u liked it. It didn't always sound like this. . .believe me. . .LOL!
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
I think you might like to think about changing the colour of the text so that it stands out more on the background - but other than that this was a really good piece I think I could definitely see it being performed - but like this it is good too well done on a great start!
Welcome to the site, I hope that you enjoy your time here at AllPoetry!
Polly
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Thank u Polaja, I greatly appreciate your honesty, and I'm so glad that you enjoyed my poem and could see it elsewhere besides the page! Thanx!
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