by Gregg Rowe
it's over, our year -
yesterday, last night, you, I
drown in champagne tears
In a list
- Canadian Phrases (Senryus) • next in list
- The Honorables • next in list
- Holiday Greetings • next in list
A contest entry
- Prosopopeia; see also prosopopoeia by Lo Justin.
542 points, ended March 9, 2005, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - O Holy Night by Nicole Hanna.
600 points, ended December 11, 2006, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
Sweet, simple, and to the point. Personally, I'm not a big fan of the word "champagne tears", which makes me cringe with cliche. However, if perhaps you were open to an edit, "champagne and tears" would strike me a LITTLE better. It's hard to offer suggestions for something only three lines in length, without changing too much of what the poem is to begin with, lol, so I'll leave my comment at this.
-
Poignant
This is a tragic reminder that Holidays are like any other day of the year. We often want magic, but reality insists on intruding. This wee slip of a poem tells a revealing story that could fill a novel. Very taut and concise. The title is perhaps awkward, but that is what makes it so eyecatching. Maybe more along the lines of "New Years Eve ~ Diagnosis HIV.
LOL, you don't have to pay attention to anything I say. The last line wrenches the heart. Thank you for sharing this with us. Best wishes.
-
Lo Justin: Yes, I have knowledge of what a Senyru and even though this is closer to a Senyru, I just used Haiku as the starting point of the discussion, you are quite right, it is more of a senryu because I am making more of a political/social statement.
As any experienced or 'taught' reader should know, the 'I' in the poem is not necessarily referring to the author, nor should it be seen as autobiographical..the 'I' in any poem should be referenced only as 'the voice' of the poem.
Gregg
-
Per the second part of your comment, thanks for the clarification. As for the first part, I hope that readers get that out of it, but I doubt any will. When I see an author use the word "I", I assume they mean themselves.
Also, I'm not a haiku expert, but I think they are generally about nature. I recognize your 5/7/5, but I don't think that just makes something a haiku. Do you know what a senryu is? Not that it's important, since it isn't what we name our style of poetry that makes it anything, but just wondering since you brought it up.
-
Lo Justin: In answer to you question of the "I" and "you" and "year", the poetry form is a haiku, so there is no distinction as the year is the present moment of the Zen; as for the "I" and "you", it is the reader's interpretation of "who" the voice is, and not mine in writing it, the collation between the two is the reader’s responsibility, while mine as the writer is to convey a voice to the piece.
You asked me to :
Personify something. Anything. Give it personality, give it meaning; life, feelings, desires, whatever you want. In any style you want. In any way that you want.
In my haiku, even though I have not used the poetic device of personification directly in the poem, I have personified something. It is the illness juxtaposed to tears to champagne bubbles on a New Year’s Eve. That is how I see it fits into your contest.
Gregg
Edited on Mar 03 because ''. -
Well, I guess you could argue that you are talking to the year, when you say "you, I", but I'm not seeing any qualities of life that the year actually possess. Maybe I'm just missing it. Or maybe it's not there. Interesting piece, regardless of its questionable appropriateness in this contest. Thanks for entering.
Lo
-
Having read several of your works, I think I'm going to put you on my favorites.
You're really amazing, although I've got a feeling you already knew that.
-
A beautiful haiku! Your poems always bring me to tears. This is a perfect entry, thank you. Excellent piece, good luck!
-
what power and emotions in three short lines. Loved the expression " champagne tears "
Regards
Reenie
-
hahahahaha laughing at your quote 'have a great day of greatness' wish I could applaud that
-
Wonderful
Poignant emotion - champagne tears! So often we do have celebrations in the midst of grief, and it is right that we should. Blessings to you. -
Come back to it ofetn, it changes each time you read it and that is what makes it a true traditional haiku.
-
This speaks volumes, so much so it simply does not end or begin. It is just there swirling around inside and I don't know what to do with it yet.
-
This is wonderful. The wording....
Haley -
champagne tears... that was beautiful.
-
this was really good!
-
Simple, but very moving. I like it.
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
