The rocking chair squeaks beneath me
The site of your room
Small, but warm, inviting.
My voice echoes through
The room, filling it.
It sounds cold and dead,
but you react just the same.
A few kicks, an "I love you, mommy"
To reassure my mind and heart.
Your empty crib worries me,
I long to hold you, safe.
I promised you would be safe,
As long as I had control.
A few scares, but we pulled through,
Singing you to sleep inside me.
I guess until you're here,
I just keep singing for you...
Singing my lonely morning songs
To your soon to be filled room.
Author notes
I chose the prompt "Lonely Morning Songs" from the last group of prompts.
I'd like for you to judge with the rubric, but if you have the time, please explain the reasons for lower scores. Thanks!
A contest entry
- Freedom Rounds by Writing0Freedom.
400 points, ended June 22, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How could this improve?
Comments
-
title 4/5 * The title isn't that unique, and it isn't incredibly beautiful, but it does have a strong relation to the poem.
relation to prompt 8/8
spelling\grammar 5 /5
personal oppinion 8/20 I feel this is more of an outline, rather than at the powerful level of a poem, I feel if it needs more imagery and emotion. Use each line as the message you mean to say, and rewrite it using imagery to convey it. Read my top finalists, Quixiotic, and Angela to see what I really love.
rythmn 7/12
imagery 7/20 * Same thing with personal oppinion, not enough emotion, and imagery.
emotion 7/10 I could feel the borderline emotion but you need to choose words carefully to get across certain emotions.
Diction 6/10
Originality 8/10
WritingFree
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