Went drinkin last night with my friend Mary Jo
Last thing that she told me was, "Don't act like a Ho"
"There's plenty of things you can do and be cool"
"But keep your clothes ON, is tonight's biggest rule!"
I started out slowly drinking Cuervo and lime
swayed with the music and my toes kept the time
Then lined up on the bar were those great jello shots
I gobbled them down and began seeing spots!
The dancin then started with Joe and Jabar
Someone hollered, Let's get that girl up on the bar!"
Off came the shoes, This dance trophy I'd win!
Then all of a sudden things started to spin!
Mary Jo screamed, I was out like a light
Someone picked me up, took me home for the night.
Next morning hung over, big lump on my head
Rolled over and what? "Who is that in my bed?"
This tall lanky hero awoke with a start
Reached out to grab me and cut a big fart!
From under the covers there came a big stink
I jumped from my blankets and ran for the sink.
I just couldn't help it, I hurled out my guts
Then turning around, saw him scratching his nuts!
I tried not to look, I was NOT feeling good
I couldn't believe it! Yeah it was morning wood!
He smiled and gave me his best toothless stare
I grabbed up my clothes and my pink underwear
Ran out of the house, that was all I could take
My drinking had caused me a great big mistake!
A contest entry
- Make Me Laugh by quantumsurveyor.
2000 points, ended June 23, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How does this poem make you feel? What was your general impression?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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a good poem, ah what we say and what we do are completely different things once the booze hits the old system.
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A rather funny and well developed story that was amusing rather than "laugh-out-loud-able" for me. Your rhyme and rhythm was neatly handled.
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haha, this was great fun to read! Reminds me of too many nights out on the town. That damn tequila will get you every time lol. A very enjoyable read!
Rory
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Best Comedic Poem...EVER
this is by far the funniest poem ive ever read. this poem is probably my favorite that ive ran across at this website so far. im gonna show this to my fiance in hopes that she gets a good laugh out it like I did. thanks for a great poem.
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This is just toooooo funny. Great write. From the first stanza all I could hear in my head was a song by Shelly West;
"Jose Cuervo you are a friend of mine
I like to drink you with a little salt and lime
Did I kiss all the cowboys?
Did I shoot out the lights?
Did I dance on the bar?
Did I start a fight?"
I saw it coming before it got there but then you went several giant steps farther with the fart and scratching. Great stuff. I almost blew iced tea all over my monitor.
Best of luck in the contest.
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This cracked me up. I mean I whooped out loud. I saw this picture in my had like I was watching a movie. Stanzas five and six actually made me scream. This is absolutely priceless. Well worth the gold as far as I'm concerned.
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HeeHee!
Glad you liked it! This was totally crazy for me to write because I don't drink at all! Thanks for reading. I have some other funny ones you might like . Feel free.
Best regards!
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Made me smile
I liked it . .. I esspecially enjoyed the first stanza:
Went drinkin last night with my friend Mary Jo
Last thing that she told me was, "Don't act like a Ho"
"There's plenty of things you can do and be cool"
"But keep your clothes ON, is tonight's biggest rule!"
And the forth:
Mary Jo screamed, I was out like a light
Someone picked me up, took me home for the night.
Next morning hung over, big lump on my head
Rolled over and what? "Who is that in my bed?"
. . . for great pacing and rhyme.
However I think the rhyming of the 9th line is strained. Unless Jabar is some personal reference I suggest replacing it.
I could comment on a couple other spots where I think the meter or the rhyme could be improved . . . but more importantly, it made me smile which if your aim is to cause laughter isn't quite far enough.
Don't get me wrong it was amusing but there was no moment that provoked laughter . . . I suggest redoing the last two lines or adding a stanza and making a stronger punchline.
Just a thought . . . your millage may vary . . . but over all I liked it!
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Thank You
Maybe you just had to be there! This actually happens all of the time in my town!
I thank you for the comments and feel that if you re-read it, maybe the flow might be a bit better to you. I had a lot of fun with this. Thanks for reading and responding.
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LMAO! This is great and I hope that this isn't
true for you! Great story here and good luck
with it in this contest.
Jeremy0826 -
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Thanks Jeremy!
Thought you might get a laugh at this one! Thanks for reading! Best regards
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