Hold me, so tenderly
In your saturated eyes,
And whisper, foolish words
So tainted by your lies.
Embrace me, firm within
Your arms so full of hate,
And cherish, my bitter heart
Cold and dark with vain.
Love me, with promises
You swore to always keep,
And dance, beneath mockery
Where despair would never sleep.
Show me, your desperation
Within a sinner's kiss,
And bleed, destructive lust
In wounds you'll never miss.
Lie to me, my broken love
Of how you need me so,
And wilt, so softly, my heart
From suffocating woe.
Lie to me, sickened soul
When you want to hold me close,
And I'll paint, your innocence
As lover's overdose.
Lie to me,
As I have, for you
But one last time;
"I love you too".
Author notes
I was just...in the moment =] i got a title and just felt the words spill out the pen
Any advice?
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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what a powerful piece of work...lines 13-16 really got me. nice job.
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Very Good
Wow, what a beautiful piece. I was drawn in right from the start and thoroughly enjoyed it the whole way through. The flow was silky smooth and the imagery was outstanding. The only line that kinda threw me off was this one here
cold and dark with vain
it may just be me but I am not sure if the word vain works there. It seems it should be vanity but I know that would throw off the flow and scheme u have going. I cont know, could just be me though. Either way, you did an excellent job here. Keep up the great work.
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I understand your concern with the usage, and I do agree it was more or less to simply follow through the rhyme scheme. But, it's also meant to distinguish the heart as being vain. Most teenagers are, to some extent vainful; 1. excessively proud of or concerned about one's own appearance, qualities, achievements, etc.; conceited:
Also, the efforts of a bitter heart is in most ways a vain effort when concerning love, esp. when said love is not returned. 2. ineffectual or unsuccessful; futile: a vain effort.
3. without real significance, value, or importance-and this is the last definition I was using to describe the heart. It's just my opinion on this*I don't want to offend anyone!* but it seems any more these days the heart of a teenager holds little value or importance either to one self or to other. so if a boy were to look at a girls heart, he might see it in vain for to him, it holds no value.
But I really love your comment, and I appreciate your reading!
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Wow!
This is amazing! It sounds a lot like teenage boys and girls always saying "I'll always love you" -
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Exactly! That's just where I got the inspiration! Listening to the teens around me saying how in love they are with so and so, or how much they adore their boyfriends/girlfriends and turning around three days later with hate on their lips and revenge in their eyes.
Thank you much for reading!
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Nice words, well written piece, great emotions can be clearly perceived trough the well woven and flowing lines, and lastly a very catchy title and great ending!
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Thank you!
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pretty good. I enjoyed reading this poem. I can relate!
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this poem is amazing. i felt connected all the way through and i still feel it now. I loved the flow of it.
Thank you x
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Wonderful
Wonderfully written. I enjoyed this poem...I loved your word choice and the fluid transition between each line...Keep up the good work.. -
WOW
This poem is really deep, the rhymn scheme really adds to the overall imagery within this. 'Hold me, so tenderly
''In your saturated eyes,
And whisper, foolish words
So tainted by your lies.''
This first stanza really draws you in and ''in your saturated eyes'' really puts images in your head!!
Great write, well done
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tyvm for the read =]
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this is frikkin' genius! I loved every single word of it! I was able to absolutely indentify a time in my life where I was in just such a toxic relationship. You know you are contributing to this extremely unhealthy interaction....but you feel powerless over the situation. Most of us are able to break the cycle...but for a desperate few love will never be a true realization...excellent writing!!
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Tyvm! and I think the for a lot, at least, those I know, true love may only be a realization with the identification of a relationship that was so...damaging. Sort of a way to realize how much you appreciate the love. but hopefully that time is nothing to hold you back =] thank you for reading!
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