I spent months being up those walls
Even towards the end of my last relationship; they were up
Trying to protect the one thing I vowed never to let you or anyone break
Yet with your so sweet and charming words, it seems those walls are collapsing
The funny thing is
I have to take your words with since a pinch of salt
Because I know better than anything
You’re just so oblivious to the effect those words have
It’s such an explainable feeling
You’re good but so bad for me
And even though I’m left feeling so unsure; of myself and this
I still find myself returning for more
I wish I could write you a letter; trying to explain everything
And putting all those unsaid things into words
But every time I sit down and try to write
I just find myself writing empty words which sound awkward
Maybe I want you to admit it
Admit you
Or maybe right now I’m fearing this is the end
And that you’re starting to get bored of me
I just don’t know anymore.
Author notes
Oooh he does make me write such interesting things!
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Comments
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Good Stuff
'Maybe I want you to admit it
Admit you'
I really like those lines; for some reason the abstract 'you' (what part of a person is the 'you'? you seem to invite your reader to ask...)
...*cough*. Anyway. Really packs a punch.
If I had to put proper crit I'd say maybe to be careful of repeating things and overstating. The penultimate stanza, for example;
'And putting all those unsaid things into words
But every time I sit down and try to write
I just find myself writing empty words which sound awkward'
The 'empty words' image is absolutely gorgeous; but the fact that you've said 'words' before takes a teeny bit off the impact, and the 'emptiness' itself is enough to know that the words are awkward.
Haha it feels a bit weird saying all this; it's just something that my English teacher drummed into me last year...thought it was good advice so I hope you don't mind and might find it as useful as I did
Anyway, really nice poem. Good luck and I hope you write more in the future
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Thanks very much for the comment. The criticism is welcome! Always good to improve in some way
I see you're from the UK and also 17
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hehe!
Oh yeahh, how strange is that? Hello fellow UK person We should be friends, there aren't enough of us on here!
Glad you didn't mind the crit too; I always worry that it sounds like I think I'm better than people when I write it (I really really don't!)...so...yep! Thanks! If you ever fancied doling out some crit yourself sometime I could really use it on some of my stuff.
Anyway! Again, great poem and thanks for the thanks! lol
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i like this. it kinda applies to a situation in my life right now, and you put down so well the things i didnt know how to say
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