Our atom frail whispers devastated the foundations of infinity

Dear Aanika,

I keep trying to speak, but my words fall from my lips, unravelling into shards of ice. I don’t understand anymore. I don’t know how I can try so hard, but fall at the last step.

It seems that I lost touch on who I was. I have a name, a word. Paper that states who I am. Paper doesn’t really know. Paper can’t see the fire dying in my eyes. Ink can’t hear the tangled could have beens slithering in my mind.

He compares me to storms colliding with his body. Each smash of sound shattering his bones. Sorry just isn’t enough anymore.

We’re living in worlds within worlds. His eyes contain infinite galaxies, innumerable dreams, but god, he’s dying. No individual, no assortment of beautiful words can save him.

I’m trying. Holding him as if he were a child against my chest. Lulling his tormented weeping. But I’m not enough. I’m the girl with words bouncing against her skull, imaginary places intertwining with reality. I’m broken butterfly wings, muted birdsong. I’m incomplete.

Aanika, do you know who I am? Do you understand the confusion enclosing me?
Does he have to fall, plunge in to obscurity?

I can’t be the foundations for his world anymore. The axis that keeps him circling. These roads have to end and his are running in to one another too soon, until there’s nothing left.

I have no gravitation anymore. No attachments when he’s gone. I’m emptiness, a barren skeleton.

I’ve given up wishing on stars. The only stars I ever believed in were the ones in his eyes. They’ve burned out. The matter of our universe has expanded until it drifted too far apart to connect us. We’ve been obliterated. Denied forever. I failed him with my illogical dreams. Dulled my senses until the world exploded and showered me in pain packed shrapnel. God, i've never known hurting before.

I hope you perceive how to save yourself, because I’m afraid I was too late. I’ve smoldered away.

Love,
Holly.