I never thought that kiss-
Those perfect timid red lips.
I could smell her perfume a sea breeze, sunny sky, footprints in the sand.
I never thought that kiss.
The last.
I gave her anything she wanted.
I fed her addiction for priceless jewels that sparkled while we danced upon a beaten dance floor.
Her obsession with chocolate made my eyes twist as she toy-fully licked the caramel from her lips.
Our passion was such as two trees whose roots wove together and spending the seasons together.
The child who we have yet to name, yet to hold, yet to cuddle.
Vanished like fog in midday.
Vanished like dirt down your shower drain.
Vanished like the rose you ripped out of my heart.
Vanished like the wine I have in my liquor cabinet.
Vanished.
I guess that was it,
Our very last kiss.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I liked the poem, but honestly, I can't see how this connects to the prompt that I had said. If you could message me back or leave a comment explaining your thoughts on this, please do.
Despite this, it was a good poem. The feeling of lost love I know, I just wish you had entered my last contest.
Thank you for entering and good luck. ♥ -
I liked this poem a lot, I thought that you did a good job showing happiness and the lust that existed and then showing the sorrow, or feeling of despair and emptiness. I like the last two lines, they add a lot. One part that I thought was a little awkward was the use of the word toy-fully, I don't think it flowed as well as the rest of the poem. Besides that I really enjoyed it!
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awesome.
i liked it alot. the words you used had a nice flow and gave me a good mental picture as i read it.
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I really enjoyed this. I am assuming that you had a miscarraige or you guys are expecting and broke up... Well good read thank you for sharing!
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I didn't like the open endedness of the "I never thought that kiss" thing. The vanished stanza was my favorite part of this piece. Sad, but I thought it could have been better. No offense meant. Still thought it was decent.
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very well written, the imagery and feelings it portrays is one of loss, ripped away, vanished, i really like this,
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LOVED the verse with the "vanishing" images, very very nice.
I found the first verse/stanza/whatever kind of confusing with your wording... but it was good and gave off a nice imagery. I was pretty confused for a bit because you had the few lines in between the first sentence.
this was very powerful, though, and I liked it.
I also recently I had what might be the last kiss with a guy that I had such a strong connection with from the moment we met, and now he's back in Germany...
all I can do is hope that that kiss wasn't our last
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wow, you gave a lot of vivid images. you did amazing conveying your emotions. the only thing for me is that it's a little confusing the first two lines and how you have a line inbetween them before you end it. oh and the last thing, "vanished like the wine i have in my liquor cabinet." all the other ones were such a good image, and this is good too but i feel like you could make it more descriptive about the same thing cause its a pretty powerful image. anyways, amazing job!
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awwwwww
that was great and very heart felt
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