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i'm as double-minded as it gets. i find i stay up late, rumbling through dictionaries to collect some evidence on what it is i feel. eyelids heavy and mind plastered with unnecessary vocabulary, i'm strutting upon layer after layer of pencil shavings. with every photograph scribbled, their dis-figuration is always the same: the mouth is never sketched correctly, and i'm out of reasons to say goodbye.
my dreams weigh more than bricks, crushing against my shoulder-blades and
impaling illusions upon my kneecaps. they used to float like feathers faintly
above the clouds, and i could always absorb them when i felt i needed to. but
i guess i realized that the stars channel energy for the same reason we question our sincerity; so we can count on the actuality that there's something you can completely give yourself to without feeling empty.
truth;
i don't know if he's worth the effort anymore.
--
Author notes
first round of summer prose workshop.
6-20 lines long.
i dont know what to do anymore.
♥
[please] don't try so hard to say goodbye;
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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I'm soooo in love with the imagery here. I love how you included pencil shavings. I have no idea why, but I adore that extra detail. The way you write is gorgeous.
The whole second stanza is simply perfect and breathtaking.
"so we can count on the actuality that there's something you can completely give yourself to without feeling empty."
^^^^^I'm pretty sure that that has to be my absolute favorite line.
Your writing is fucking stunning, dear. I love love love it.
<3
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i totally agree with the comments below mine. this is a good write from you. thank you for sharing this with me and i look forward to more from you over the summer. viyanna rosemarie
9.8
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9.8
As I debate on a score for this, I'll just.. comment
I relate to this. So much.
"the mouth is never sketched correctly, and i'm out of reasons to say goodbye."
I loved that line. It was amazing. Your imagery was as well but that line just slammed me. -
I don't know, for some reason, I think reading this was meant to happen, because I relate to it so much and you bring out a valid point. Thank you for writing this.
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9.5
I felt this. And I relate to it completely.
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this has gorgeous imagery and is packed with emotion.
'every photograph scribbled, their dis-figuration is always the same: the mouth is never sketched correctly'
that bit intrigues me for some reason. good job, i'm looking forward to reading more of your poetry in the workshop! :]
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There is so much emotion within this piece!!! I really enjoyed reading this!! I like the way you ended this. So simple, yet so powerful! I'm looking forward to reading more from you this summer.
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You go ! You see, there is many people that could relate to this. I liked how you wrote this, the imagery rings out and the metaphors used were very good. I like how you change scenes in the piece while tying them all together. "truth/I don't know if he's worth the effort anymore" What a way to end this. I think that the word "dis-figuration" is one word though. Great job on this.
Josh
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rumbling through dictionaries to collect some evidence on what it is i feel
-'rumbling through dictionaries' is just damn genius.
and i'm out of reasons to say goodbye
-god, i love the way you finish the sentence about drawing with something completely different. it is brillaint.
i don't know if he's worth the effort anymore.
-freaking hell. spear me
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Wow great write I normally don't like stuff that don't rhyme but I like the way you write
-♥Amy♥ -
I like the way you leave us with an essay than poetry, I feel this, your wanting letters in your contests and much writing, tells me that you are an indepth type of person, willing and longling to give as much, if not more than you receive. This piece, speaks of not only your observations, but your personal battles as well, which is humble and very noble of you.
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"feathers so faintly", I think you could drop the word "so" there and make it sound a little bit more direct
The only other thing was the structure, but that probably boils down to my own preferences. The breaking up of lines didn't add anything special to the write.
I actually wonder if it is an error created by the size of my computer screen even because it appears as if the piece might have been written in notepad and copied and pasted with "screen width" lines that carried over.
Anyway, I loved the write, just the way the lines appear (at least here) looks awkward and causes an awkward reading flow.
s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
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I think "layer after layer" would sound better than "layer and layer"
"eyelids heavy and mind plastered
with unnecessary vocabulary, i'm strutting upon layer and layer of pencil shavings."
^^ This is magnificent and this
"i realized that the stars channel energy for the same reason we question
our sincerity"
This is a truly amazing piece of writing.
(And I wanna do the prose workshop =[ )
Shelly
x♥x
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thanks dear ;D
i changed it ! ♥
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Your work is always soo amazing and you put feelings into words so beautifully.
One day you may decide he is or is not worth it, but you will be thanking him when you earn money from the poetry you wrote about him!!
XXX
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aww thank youuu !
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Just tell him one day you're going to make money because of him, it'll intrigue him so much!
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HAHA that's brilliant, i think i'm going to do that
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im tempted to say it to mine but not so sure bout having 2explain i write poetry about him haha
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ohhh i know right? just say it and leave him hanging.
(;
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'm strutting upon layer and layer of pencil shavings
- I've never seen this before and I love how it sounds and read,is creative and a really unique image
'm out of reasons to say goodbye.
I loved that- its so heart wrenching
Nice write!
WritingFree
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thank you dear ! ♥
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