Rapt.
I am still.
She enters my world,
gracelessly pushing aside
all of my words
places her finger upon my lips.
I am not me
Intoxication excuses the artless
stutter, swallowed,
flutters against my heart,
a moth bouncing against light.
The kiss she leaves
holds me on the precipice
where I dare not breathe,
my equilibrium disrupted.
I know better.
Her laughter spirals
around and around.
The sound rebounds.
Overwhelmed, numb
I am a statue.
She kisses me once again
Leaves me sure I will never again
become so drunk on a moment,
so unsure of how to respond
another victim of beauty.
10:35 AM • 06-20-09 • Alexandria, VA
Author notes
Prompt: Bibulous - Definition in first reply to a comment.
A contest entry
- Embrace a Word, Pen a Poem by poet2angels.
650 points, ended June 21, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think, what it makes you feel, how you are moved.
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
-
Intriguing, captivating all the way through. This poem builds a lot of anticipation. In my mind I imagine that "she" is a woman who is older/more experienced. I thoroughly enjoyed this.
-
-
An older woman, oh my!
Actually we were the same age, but she was surer of herself and more aggressive. I was the picture of confidence, until the actual moment.
Anticipation can clog the brain with needless fears. Often in life I leapt in without thought to avoid this. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.
The thing I realize now, long after it makes any difference, I was far more loved and appreciated than I could ever accept. Fear can bind us in blindness and have us trying to prove things that everyone already takes for granted. It has made me far more patient and tender with young fools. Perhaps, more than many.
Peace & Light,
Tom B. -
-
Ahh, so true.
-
-
-
Okay i have to say ...Intoxicated by this one!
Love,
~Lisa P~
-
-
Thank you mightly
This one caught simple just above pain and beyond plain. Magic with out a wave of the hands.
Love,
Tom B.
-
-
this held me captivated, like no other poem of the same subject has before. absolutely captivating. Great write, blessed be.
-
-
High Praise
May I live up to this fine praise and prove worthy.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
-
-
Great start, intriguing/compelling. In general, I liked your unique structure and flow, and excellent use of vocabulary (precipice/equilibrium etc). Good, consistent imagery i.e. "a moth bouncing against light", "The sound rebounds" ensures the reader knows how you felt. Something many will relate to. Where you rhymed, you did it well. Overall, this was a well written, entertaining poem.
Nicely done,
David.
-
-
Simple does not mean plain The subject was so primed to be over wrought and full of purple prose without doing much. Instead I tried to strike that fine line between plain and madness Thanks for the positive review.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
-
-
i really liked this, wonderfully written, i loved the line;
"Leaves me sure I will never again
become so drunk on a moment"
i like the idea of being drunk on a emotion x
-
-
Glad you enjoyed. It was such a simple piece. I am stunned at the response.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
-
-
AMAZING!!!!!
Wow! what a great piece....
It has such great flow and I love the topic...
I especially love the last stanza and the lines "leaves me sure I will never again become drunk on a moment"
An excellent write!!!!!
Your Farie
-
-
High praise. I can only offer my thanks in return.
Peace,
Tom B.
-
-
Excellent!
It makes me remember how i felt with my first adult love, unsure, moved, overmy head in love,
and hoping she felt the same...
Thank you!
-
-
Much appreciated
Your response is all I could ask for.
Peace,
Tom B.
-
-
Sums it up perfectly. All the emotions, andreline, anticipation. Well written piece.
-
-
Thank you
-
-
Captivating
Your poem touches oh so gently on that first kiss, the one that seals love. So many try to describe it, but you nailed it. Only one error did I find -
where I dare not breath [breathe]
Also - She places her finger across my lips
suggest She places her finger upon my lips (better flow) Rose.
-
-
Appreciate the editorial support. Glad you enjoyed my efforts to catch as simply as possible that first kiss.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
-
-
She kisses me once again
Leaves me sure I will never again
become so drunk on a moment,
so unsure of how to respond
another victim of beauty.
This is most assuredly embracing words, its captivating...congrats on the award!
-
-
Thank you.
I am at a point where I strive for simplicity and simple language. I don't always succeed. Glad to know these words touched you.
Peace & Light,
Tom B. -
-
You always touch me!
-
-
-
Its simple and elegant,
but then I would have liked it better if it had a better flow and rhyme, the prompt was well interpreted!
-
-
Flow and rhyme are statements of your preferred style. I can appreciate that. Glad you still found much to enjoy. Thanks.
Peace,
Tom B.
-
-
no one does it better....
Love, Lane
-
-
Up for debate.
-
-
Absolutely fine...
She enters my world,
gracelessly pushing aside
all of my words
places her finger across my lips.
I am not me
AH! exceptional...
The kiss she leaves
holds me on the precipice
where I dare not breath,
my equilibrium disrupted.
I know better.
AH! Again....exquisite
Overwhelmed, numb
I am a statue.
She kisses me once again
AH! Felt that one...
Great write poet.
-
-
Thanks. It is always my goal to leave the reader touched by the words and brought to the moment. Appreciate knowing I achieve some small success.
Peace,
Tom B.
-
-
Your very first word made me sit and listen. I remember that first glance, touch, and yes... kiss. I too was dumbfounded, could not move...
Ray has always held my heart and he knows that. He says, I was the one who mesmerized him so we are truly balanced. It is beyond our understanding and the beauty in that is that it should me. The further we reach to comprehend, the more mystified we become. LOL And that is good! You did exceedingly well with the prompt word dear friend. I wish you the best in the challenge.
Much Love Always ♥
Renee
-
-
As it is
So it will be. We are fortunate when we are truly present. The first time we are so ignorant and know it we try to be present. The more often it happens, for most, the more they stop being present, cause they think they know. They don't.
We are all fortunate when we have enough humility to know we don't know. It feels riskier, but truthfully we are safer and more alive. I know you know what I mean.
Love, Tom B.
-
-
Enchanted you were with her beauty, and forward-ness...One never forgets a moment like this..This creature in all her glory smiling, laugher, capturing you; sounds like a awesome memory....first times have a way of leaving one drunk on love or infatuation....I enjoyed this read and I could relate to your magical moment......excellent take on the prompt....Novy
-
-
I kept it simple and rather plain so the language would reflect, I feel, the circumstance. Glad it worked for you.
Love,
Tom B.
-
-
I thought perhaps you would go this way...Way to interpret!!!
This is romantic and beautiful
Words that could get one love drunk
I love this
Lynda
-
-
I remember all to well the first couple of times, the high, the feeling of being totally at sea, the way sensations trembled through you .
Some things you never forget.
Love,
Tom B.
-
-
Excellent! What a word and what a piece you have written! Best wishes,
Frogz~
-
-
Thanks, it was a challenge to shape it and try to capture both the absorb meaning as well as the drunk meaning.
-
-
Your word is:
"bibulous"
-
-
Definitions from Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary
1. highly absorbent.
2.a.: fond of alcoholic Beverages b : of, relating to, or marked by the consumption of alcoholics beverages.
So this is were getting soaked came from Or is it derived form imbibe. Anyway, I will write something, perhaps about diapers, snow white absorbing the pollution or how we, the mad pioneers of brewing and distillery, are not to blame for those who chose to drown in the numbness of alcohol. Some how I will write something, find it hiding in a a corner somewhere and drag it out into the light of the day.
Love, Tom B. -
-
I thought you would enjoy that word
-
-
It is up and written. I am going to go shower (TMI ). Have a day where the sun strikes and sparkles with magic.
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 40 of 40
