People who wear sunglasses indoors are really rude
They make me want to vomit and they put me off my food
What should we all do to them without it being unfair?
Stick needles in their eyes and up their bum and everywhere!
And why do ugly youths along the sidewalk always swagger
Would you like to stab them with a rusty flipping dagger?
Ascertain from them the reason for their arrogance
Then stick them in the gullet with a great big nasty lance!
Sexually aware young girls - you know the sort of teasers
Shall we pull their eyes out with a pair of red hot tweasers
Or maybe run them over by veering off the road
When they're being very silly in their teenage girly mode?
And what about the raucous lads all laughing down the pub
Guffawing at nothing - now listen, here's the rub
Mike Tyson could just thump them - how d'ya fancy that?
Then we'd say, "Now laugh at that, you ignoramus twat!"
Middle aged women who always flick their hair
You see them in their cars, they're every-bloody where
Let's think of something for them that's really inhumane
To punish them severely, for being so fucking vain!
And frankly lads I tell you that I see nothing wrong
With women who get NASTY before the whores come "on"
Blocking up their fannies with a bloody great big cork
Then sticking in their guts a massive pitching fork!
You know, I could go on and on, but I suspect you're bored
With all the things that I am so repulsively abhorred
So I'll finish with a thank you to the Lord our Grace
For making me so perfect in this God-forsaken place!
Author notes
I intend adding to this.
Anyone else got a few pet hates, and I'll add your verse?
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This is FUN
I enjoyed reading this very much. Maybe too much?
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My dear Robin If I hear some ol pommy B has gone on a rampage on all these people I'll know why your not seen on here
Im not sure if my pet hate is lads on skateboards that try knocking you down or the ones that wear their pants around their thighs.... my son does that (20 yr old) and Im constantly reefing them up on him.
Another witty write my dear
Shitshot
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Tks Shitshot!
R.
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Not a fan of this one. The speaker's voice seemed really aggressive to me... it's not so funny when you start worrying about the mental health of the narrator.
"tweasers" -> "tweezers"
Also the rhythm seemed inconsistent, but this is secondary to the tone which really put me off. -
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I agree old lad, I am a bit nuts!
R.
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I DISLIKE THIS GREATLY
First of all thats too rude. i mean pull thier eyes out is just too much
and your NOT perfect
bty:
what does "twat" mean
no one uses that word -
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Tks for yr comments. It's OK not to like it - there are MILLIONS of poems I don't like!
A "twat" is a very rude word, meaning a lady's private part.
NB Does bty mean btw?
Regards,
Robin.
PS I AM perfect (almost anyway!)
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Am I impressed? Well yes I have to admit it this is one of the wittier pieces of ordure on the site. I must say that your flippings are a bit weak and a bit close together -- wouldn't you agree? Pet hate -- the bloody wheelchair I haven't got yet. Have some gherkins.
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Agreed Ducks...changing.
R.
have you read atticus shite yet?
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