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lost pieces

i saw the pain rain down from the skys,
this is the place where everyone cries,
and the intense pain that no one can escape,
and the dark knight wears hatred as his cape.

i saw the sorrow rise up from below,
this is the place where no one should go,
and the great depression never ceases,
and everyone's heart gets broken into pieces.

 

and i saw the pieces get lost in the uknown creases.

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Euphoric17
    September 29

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    well done

    I like the way you've written this poem. Keep it up eh. cheers for the comment by the way. We should read more of each others poetry <3


  • Wutz Luv
    September 24

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    Nice write. I would maybe take out some of the ands here and there. But its really emotional and so true, and sad.


  • RazorBladesRomance
    August 6

    Edit | Reply
    Oh i like it its good
    but kinda short. hmm
    u spelled uknown wrong i
    think its unknown but other
    than that its good.


  • XXxBROOKxXx
    August 2
    Edit | Reply
    this was awsome i like the part "and i saw the pieces get lost in the uknown creases."


  • stop a bullet
    June 21

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    i absolutely loved this piece.. but you didnt read the rules. there are two things that needed to go into your authors notes. and they weren't there. great job on the poem, and thanks for entering. im sry.

1 - 6 of 6