petals unfold--
a new season
or as a proper haiku
yellow petals
a new season--
unfolds
Andrew Hide
19~03~2004
Author notes
inspired by BillS2's tanka
allpoetry.com/Poem/545281
Written March 19th, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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the first one is it .... the difference is one word/ a colour and three lines ... interesting to read the comments ... the first one is crafted with nothing left to add or change allows me my own colour ... the haiku (both) allows my own flower/tree , my own season - that moment that is universal and timeless .... lovely
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The first time I read them I liked the second better, but when I took time to contemplate the meaning, I decided that I liked both equally well. I realized that both actually had very different meanings when you took the time to think about it. I couldn’t pick a favorite. I’m learning that haiku is much less ridged then I used to think, so I believe that both versions would be considered proper. I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one who ends up with more then one variation on the same subject. Patti
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well done
hello poet...I like what you did here...eather way the message is the same...although they both work...the second one gives the reader more imagery...well done...larry -
Excellent Imagery
Karen, aka klassy lassy, suggested I stop by to read one of your haiku. She is right: you are good! While I am not a poet myself, I do recognize talent and enjoy reading the work of talent. Obviously, Andrew, you have a God-given talent.
Love and hugs
BonnieQ
Associate Editor, WA
for Waltsan Publishing, TX
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Refreshing
This is beautiful! I like the three line haiku better...it unfolds better and has lots packed in one word. Actually, I like the resonance level in the first one better. It led my mind to think alot!! The second one didn't require all that much thinking. Well, I like both!
Wonderful tanka by BillS2 as well.
-Charishma -
what is old will die, just to make room for the new life that is to be born. well said
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It's interesting how original haiku were all in a single line yet somehow, haiku in English work so well in three. Thanks for the pairing..... though I think your first one could be a one liner just dandy.
Don -
Loved this, especially the two liners!
Mari
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I prefer the proper haiku. It has so much more to it than the previous one. Beautiful work here Andrew.
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lovely, you write very good haikus! ^_^
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The first one is in "proper haiku form" and I like that one better. Beautifully written.
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His piece was an inspiration and this is a lovely result... I never used to like short form poetry til I figured out how to write it myself, and now it is where i seem to gravitate the most... Lovely write...Susan
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a new season indeed, it's like a shower out there!
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Wonderful
Hi Andrew:
I think I have seen this wonderful piece before. And you know, now that it's all dressed up, I love it even more. Thanks for giving me a preview of this fine piece. Bill -
I'll do it better watch :]
But it is a strong one better than the dove (homework)
Edited on Mar 19, 8:21 p.m. because ''. -
Excellent
That has to be the most said with the fewest words I have ever read. I am in awe. It opened up a huge visual for me. Now that has to be a master at work. I love it and the experience it brought. Thank you.
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