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untitled for now [unfinished]

Sometime's it's hard to see beyond the blinding tears,
And so easy to feel alone -
But no matter how dark the world might seem,
It's rare you're on your own.

There's always somebody thinking of you,
With a laugh or with a smile,
And just because you're not aware,
Doesn't mean it doesn't happen all the time

So lift your head, and your chin high,
Open  wide your eyes
Just because nobody answers
Isn't proof we don't hear your cries.

Sometimes it's hard to reach out
And offer a helping hand
But rest assured, there are those nearby
Who want to help you stand.

Author notes

inspired by a poem i read a few minutes ago
not finished.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • abu nuwas
    July 11

    Edit | Reply

    Good notion

    Mostly well carried out, but in places sounded like those birthday-card ditties. Does it have a fixed metre throughout? Brought the story back to a lwist in the end. Not a typo in sight.

  • ricachic gold member
    June 25

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I will be watching this one for the finished product, your rhythm is excellent, second stanza something should rhyme with smile, while maybe, sometimes I just put the right mood setting music on in the background and let the words find me.
    Any way, this is off to a gerat start and I'll comment on it again when you have it finished. I'll give you 3 clappies now because I know the finished product will be worthy of it.
    Rick


    • Symphony
      June 30
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks very much indeed :-) I might try your technique of using music because I actually forgot I'd starting writing this one - and haven't come back to it until I read it again now. Time to get down to work methinks ;-)


  • faderman1959
    June 20

    Edit | Reply
    You have a very good start on this! Please let me know when you have finished as I would love to see where you take it.

    • Symphony
      June 30
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your comment I will indeed let you know .. once I actually sit down and do some work on it ^.^

1 - 5 of 5