;; Dear Boy || Waking Reality.

Dear Boy, I don't want to think that you're a man.
I want to remember cherub smiles and swingsets
I cling to the memory of staying up all night
Whispering to the ghost of your past, smiling
When you tell me you think I look beautiful
Even though I had been crying the night away
Because I saw another girl hanging from your arm,
Staring at you in the most adoring way, and believe me,
I know because I could see my heart in her eyes.
Your reflection was that exquisite in the moonlight.

And when I turned to run you grabbed me by the
Hand and asked me to dance, and pulled me to
You when I tried to pull away, swayed to the beat
Even after the music died, and when I asked you
Why, you said you didn't need the music to dance.
You collected my tears like diamonds on your best
Shirt, boasting them like prizes from a king's duel
Instead of salt water droplets of thank yous and I'm
Sorrys and I miss yous and I need yous and I hate yous.

Pounding against your chest in fury and fear
Of what had passed, of opportunities lost, and the
Chances I was afraid were never going to come to me,
The girl who walked away when you asked her
To stay, who expected you to stay when instead
Time decided made us all to be fools at the butt of a joke
Played by the universe when she was in need of
A good laugh at the expense of a few teenagers
With wounded egos and broken hearts, shattered
Pride and injuries that still smart when touched.

But we'll show them off to be mere flesh wounds
Loathe as we are to surrender the moments that
Make us feel like the present is a lie, projected
by the fun house mirrors at the annual carnival
Rides. All there is now, is you and me and fading
Promises of road trips, movie nights and phone
Calls, lies told out of hope that maybe one day,
They'll become truth, and we can return to what
We had been, were supposed to be, given time
That was taken away from us in the blink of an
Eye because we were too selfish to see that we
Had all the time we needed, and let it slip away.

And we snatched at it like grains of sand on the
Summer breeze on the Jersey shore, desperate
To hold on to a piece of our childhood, a shadow
Of a memory to hold dear to our hearts, to make
Real, somehow. But we can't. We never will, and
I wish I could somehow make this illusion reality,
turn this mask of fantasy into a beautiful waking
Dream, graced by warm sunshine on your face,
Your hand on my heart and your lips pressed to
Mine, your warmth making me shiver as feeling
Returns to numb fingertips as they graze your
Flesh, yearning to memorize every detail, just
In case time makes fools of us yet again, as it
Surely will when it realizes this dream is alive.

My body aches to relive this fantasy with you,
For my memory has never been graced by any
Thing so beautifully exquisite as a man's voice
And a man's touch, low and enticing, tempting
This timid house cat away from her safe perch
Hiding in the shadows under the bed, instead
Wondering what it would be like to lie above,
Curled into the sheets while strands of golden
Brown twist around sun tanned fingers, and my
Breath catches fast as the fantasy carries me
Away from reality like a leaf floating away on
The wind, desperate to find a new home other
Than the barren brown earth it had known its whole life.

Tell me, when did your shoulders grow broader
And your arms grow stronger, No longer weak
And hesitant, but sturdy and confident as they lift me up,
Hold me in place as my head spins as the world turns
Upside down and wow, please put me down, I don't think
I can handle now the scent of youth gone away,
Of fading innocence and sweet lies whispering in my ear,
Things like how: "Everything will be alright given enough time"
Time, the same time that made tears fall, and
Made sleepless nights too many to count.
And I fall to my knees, weak and helpless,
Because you must put me down as I wake.

This fantasy is just too real for our reality.