he took me from death and said
that mold only grows upon shadows that
stay still.
I let his fingers weave
cotton over my eyeballs and
silk upon my veins.
‘what I’ve become should not
hinder your respiration,
nor your pulse.
do not let my inability to smile
force your lips to submission’
I listened while focusing
on the bend of flames illuminating
the room.
‘but what if the sky crashes
and you disappear,
does that mean I should not
mourn but pray?
I do not withhold enough resilience
to push my faith into god
for my fear is that he
refuses to notice.’
‘you must not
listen to doubts but to birds.
they will sing through inky nights
and defeated lungs.’
he continued.
‘there is no reason to religion,
but there is no reason to love.’
a quiet slipped under my door,
draining through the window,
like a winter’s draught furling around
my body.
‘I believe in neither.’
A contest entry
- Aegis of Heimdel Auditions by adsaige.
530 points, ended July 17, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
if i was improper grammer, would you have the heart to correct me?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
yes
i agree with adrieline, although it is "mould." silly americans.
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yes.
-
Yes.
mould --> mold?
quite --> quiet?
I believe this should be edited for some grammatical and coherency issues.
-
he took me from death and said
that mould only grows upon shadows that
stay still.
- that's so profound right there, wow
I let his fingers weave
cotton over my eyeballs
-gorgeaous
‘what I’ve become should not
hinder your respiration,
nor your pulse.
do not let my inability to smile
force your lips to submission’
- I guess this felt out of place and awkward, but that's just me, the words just didn't seem to fit.
‘but what if the sky crashes
and you disappear,
does that mean I should not
mourn but pray?
I do not withhold enough resilience
to push my faith into god
for my fear is that he
refuses to notice.’
‘you must not
listen to doubts but to birds.
they will sing through inky nights
and defeated lungs.’
- I guess I feel like the dialogue sometimes doesn't enhance the imagery and almost takes away, because sometime it feels like it loses emotion in having pretty words.
That could just be me though
WritingFree
-
stunning write
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