~I'm sick of crying...
tired of trying ...
yeah I'm smiling...
but inside I'm dying!
I'm sick of pain...
with nothing to gain!
Tired of bloodshed...
leaving everyone dead!
I'm sick of sorrow...
ruining my tomorrow!
I'm tired of grief...
being my life's thief!
I'm sick of dealing with this tragedy!
Do you think I can take it happily?!
I'm tired of living with the burden of a sin...
the thought of it disappearing, giving me a grin.
I'm sick of your labels!
Tired of coming home to see you passed out on the table!
I'm sick of your greed!
Why don't you leave me and let me bleed!?
I'm sick of giving my heart as a token...
of our love...then getting it broken!
I'm tired of screaming out your name...
but I know who is really to blame!
I'm sick of the pictures on my wrist...
drawn with a razor blade...with a twist!
I'm tired of the blood gushing from my arm...
Why is my intention to do me harm?
I'm sick of death...
it's killing me...just like the thought of my last breath!
I'm tired of life...
might as well end it with a knife!
So what do I do?
I wish my life was through...
but the blood would still be pouring...
and I would still be mourning~
Author notes
This is my first attempt at an ispirational and rhymeing poem 
I think it is good but it is a work in progress
I would like anyone reading this to really think about my 3 stanza
" I'm sick of sorrow...
ruining my tomorrow!
I'm tired of grief...
being my life's thief! "
When I wrote it, it really got me thinking and I would like you to send me your own definition of that part. Every person can relate to it and it will make you think...long and hard...about your interperatation of it. It would mean a lot to me if you send me your thoughts.
Thank you for reading my poem,
Crystal Vixen Abarai
username-XxCrystal--DanielxX
(used to be XxCrystal.luvs.DCxX and CrystalSuicide)
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A contest entry
- The Night Wants You by Night Terrors.
400 points, ended July 4, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter Your best. by Antebellum.
550 points, ended July 9, 169 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - .xx.tWiStEd.xx. by l o v e b u r s t.
570 points, ended July 7, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your favourite poem! by forbidden-colour.
550 points, ended July 8, 142 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites!!! Come take a look! by CentrifugalCorpse.
1250 points, ended September 7, 224 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think? Leave me your opinion on how to make it better :)
Comments
1 - 61 of 61
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it's lovely, and sad...but that just expresses what you feel,making it absulutly perfect.♥3333333333
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it's really good poem I think it good. Your a good writer I don't you need get better because you good already!
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This is really good. keep writing
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That line you were talking about anyone can relate to that is know lie, most of my poems have lines in them people can relate to. You know alot of my poems use to be just like that. They are different now, I am in mindnight freaks with you. I can tell you on thing though I'm over letting sorrow ruin my tommorw's, Well i say that now wait untill i get my heart broke again and then i can write some hateful shit lol. Check out some of my stuff if you want thanks!
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i love it
i can relate its verry good and powerfull
thats how i feel noe sick of wanting to puke of everything of life -
i can relate to this,very powerful poem,another great write
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wow very good with the rhyming your very good
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this is very goood i love the rhyming
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this was just truly amazing. i liked how you had some rhyming in there. great write!!!
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That is just amazing very well made I felt sad but happy and then sad again
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It's hard to know on AP when a poem is expressing a person's real feelings or just written in response to a prompt. So, in responding to this, I don't know if you really are in such pain, or if you are simply writing from the point of view of someone in such pain.
If you really are in that much pain, I apologize for giving a critique, and you should ignore the rest of what I say here.
If you want a critique, I'll give it because that's what you requested.
I would get away from this overly-emotional style, if you really want to work at poetry. If you're just venting your own frustration, disappointment, and sadness, then it's fine.
Poems ought to do more than just vent, though. They should make us think about proactive options. They should inspire and fill us with wonder. However, if you really are in this deep, dark tunnel, ways out of it can be hard to see.
Since you said that you've been working at this poem for a while, I'd suggest getting rid of the "I'm so sick" refrain. It gets tiresome after eight iterations. I would also not use exclamation points.
For this one, I would drop the rhyme. The rhyme isn't helping you here; it's stifling you and killing this poem. You can't effectively say what you need to say because you're having to pay too much attention to maintaining the rhyme. I personally love rhyme, but in this case, it's leading you into paths which have been traveled by too many people before, and it's trapping you into writing exactly like they do. You have your own voice. It's okay to use it.
I hope that helped, and I wish you the best of luck with this poem. -
This is awesome, you could win a contest with this. Great rhyming.
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I Lufers this! its really good. Great rhymes and imagery.
~Divine~
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wow. groups and contests are mounting up to something. that something is probably a trophy in the ~near~ future. if not, enter some prewrite contests with this piece. it holds the emotions near the surface while trying to force them over. i liked it. the third stanza is telling me that life isn't always ending. sometimes, it's just beginning, such as birth. then when life does end, we have thoughts. thoughts such as suicide, death, finality, and reality. it's weird in its own little way. this is really good. thanks for sharing.
Dax
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So many groups and contests! I hope you win something with this.
Thank you for entering. -
This was pretty deep stuff,sometimes things are so dark in our lives that we barely see the sun,your third stanza depicts that to me grief robs us of happiness because we become so consumed with being unhappy.Great for your first shot at rhyming!
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Judges View
for your first rhyme attempt. thats pretty damn good.
loved the flow.
thank you for entering
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Very well penned piece here
We all have sorrows for it is a part of life for without sorrows how would we ever know joy when it comes out way .Like night and day right or wrong yes or no everything has an opposite yet choice is ours to take or break . We were given a heart to love and yes often that hearts also breaks because of it but it is capable of loving many times within ones lifespan . Hate if one dwells with hate too long it tends to eat at the body and refuses it to know what joy and love was.For hate pushes everyone away and refuses to see or hear anything others have to say if it doesnt agree with the hate that risides there . So what fif others see you smile its much better than a frown why not embrace your friends and laugh and be free its much better than locking oneself within and throwing away the key .
Your poem brought out many thoughts in me tonight but I do hope you see the one hurting the child within and wont set her free is yourself indeed
Great work here I give the title A+
the poem screams of wanting others to embrace you and help you find your way back to freedom and joy and love
Never give up and know to keep positive thoughts within and the body will rejoice and find love
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Its wicked good write. But dont goo dying on me girl!!!
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Loved This. It was amazing. But one question, and take no offence if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure I've seen the first stanza on the internet before. But I loved it then and now, so it really doesn't matter. Great write, and good luck in the contests =]
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Thanks so much for entering
&&
Good luck
[if you are placed in the finalists I will leave a better comment] -
okay your rhyme skeem is kinda confusing, but I think you are trying to mimic the style of a sonnet. that is an intresting concept. Also loved the emotion and personal tragedy that you seem to pour into this. It takes a lot of bravery to explore ones own mind. really enjoyed it. Thanks for entering
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I can really relate, thanks for sharing
x -
hey that first part wasn't u!
I'm sick of crying
tired of trying
yeah i'm smiling
but inside i'm dying
i've heard that everywhere!
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Very very good. I dont care wat they say i kinda like forced rhyme ;-). I was impressed whn u said it eas ur first poem like this its really moving and inspiring.
And about that one part i interpret it (from personal experienxce) as the sorrow and greif killing u taking life away cuz when u feel like that ur not actually alive ur dying ive been there...
Anyways keep up the good work! ^__^
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this was an amazing poem and about that part you wanted feeback on....in my view...my sorrow and my dark times HAD ruined my tomorrow...they screwed a future up that was hanging on already by a tenuous thread......but i let myself sink deeper into that bad place......but then i grew tired of feeling like hell everyday and started realizing that i had to FEEL better if i was to DO better...so i snatched back what was mine (my right to live and be happy) and have been in a far better place since then....this probably isn't what you were looking for but i thought that i would share...
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Flows really nicely. The rhyme is a bit forced but it works ok. Definitely keep it up. good luck in your contests. I wish you all the best
kat -
I love it how everything comletes each other and it all goes together I love it.... keep writting.
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i love this poem
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Your rythmes were brilliant, everything had a flow to it, kudos to you Crystal
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Really pretty i love it!!!!
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i love it
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thank you
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i love this poem its freaking awesome my fav. part would have to be
"I'm sick of giving my heart as a token...
of our love...then getting it broken!
I'm tired of screaming out your name...
but I know who is really to blame!"
aloo was right your a really good writer keep it up
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thanks alex
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it is a great poem, you are a very good writer!
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thanks
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hey great job overall! this isnt a writing error or anything but the ...'s all the time are slightly bothersome. also i think that you use the "!" to often so it doesnt have the same effect. in some areas the rhyming seems a tad forced. but it works over all. i like your first stanza the best, its a great starter
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thank u 4 the advice
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I love the way you wrote it, with each stanza pointing out a trouble you have.
But isn't the first stanza a popular internet quote/song?
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wow, ur awesome.
i wish i could write half as good as you,
great poem.
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good
It seems that in some places a few of the stanzas are slitly forced to make the rhyme work, but that dosent mean this isnt a very good heartfelt poem but u asked for honest responces and since you said this is your first try at this type of poem I'd say you did an incredible job very nice for a first time your have talent working through u and id like to see what you write in the future, but dont try so hard to make a rhyme happen write what u want it to say and then go back through it and see if you can rewrite it in a way with more rhythme. u did a great job is my point
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" I'm sick of sorrow...
ruining my tomorrow!
I'm tired of grief...
being my life's thief! "
ok so for my interpretation of this, i would say for me it means that, your sick of living a lie, of being lonely, hating yourself and what you do to your self. Your sick of dreading life and knowing that tomorrow its not gonna be any better. the "i'm tired of grief being my life's thief", to me means that your tired of grieving everyday, and wasting your life away on feeling bad for yourself.
this poem was a great write, i would never be able to tell that this was your first attempt. keep writing, your very talented.
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IT WAS A VERY GOOD WRITE.
I FEEL YOUR PAIN.. AS A FORMER CUTTER.. I TURNED TO DRUGS AND ALCOHOL INSTEAD.
THE WAY YOU WRITE MAKKES ME WANT TO READ MORE AND MORE.
ITS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND DEEP
IT LIKE LITERALLY TOUCHES ME IN A WEIRD WAY..
KEEP WRITING PLZ
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wow
sorry i feel your tragic and idk.
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About all I can say is ,"Man, this is so sad!
There is a 13 year old girl on here dying of cancer and doesn't really want to. She is looking to make as many friends as possible before she dies. Could you be one of them?
The 13 year old girl here on AP named SamanthaSam which is dying of cancer, had her group and her page hacked and they shut down her group. Join her in her quest to meet some very cool people, which I know that you are. She will inspire you!
Here's the link:
http://allpoetry.com/group/info/Sam%20I%20Am%20and%20Believers%20Of%20God?stay=1
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wow i really loved this and it is ana amazing write. fantastic :-)
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~I'm sick of crying...
tired of trying ...
yeah I'm smiling...
but inside I'm dying!
The rhyming seemed a little pushed in some places but I could feel the emotion. Keep the ink flowing.
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i like this one. the rhyming was pretty good, but in some areas, it was kinda off. it was still a pretty good attept. the flow wasnt bad either. good job!
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I think it is good but you need to work on your rhyming in some places. sometimes it sounds a little bit forced. good piece though
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i love it
that poem is so me
good job -
This is a great piece of rhyming with a whole lot of GREAT imagery. This was a really awesome read.
Good Luck in your studies and that for the comment on my poem Thanatos
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This is amazing. It gave me the goosebumps.
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that was amazing. It truly captures the emotions of the 'emo'.
''I'm sick of the pictures on my wrist...
drawn with a razor blade...with a twist!
I'm tired of the blood gushing from my arm...
Why is my intention to do me harm?''
this is my favorite part. continue writing, let your feelings out, it doesn't help me, but it makes great poetry.
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holy shit gabbie that was fucking awesome dude shit that was cool
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This was Brilliant i hv never heard something so carefully brewed into a master peice or anger and Sorrow i tip my hat to a writter far greater then myself nad wish I finished my Starburt ealier
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Oooooooo! I luv it to bits! :$)
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This poem would be way better as lyrics
.
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For a title you could simple call it 'I'm Tired'
Or something
For a first attempt it's good
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Awe this is so heart breaking and sad. It's filled with so much sorrow. It makes me wanna cry. It reminds me a bit of myself when I was your age. Don't give up sweetie. I love you very much. You're a good person and you did a wonderful job rhyming I loved it!
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im thinking...........
holy shit that was awesome! dont change it!!
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