dear jerry ( an ode to jerome robbins)

mad
genius
a fury
unforetold
an anger
untethered
forever
unbound
brilliance
entranced
by
beauty
oh
such beauty
and
strength
and
superflexability
the antithesis
of
a mind
tortured
by
compulsion
tortured
by
perfection
“jerry”
“oh, jerry”
don’t you know
they LOVED you
total adoration
unmitigated affection
they LOVED you
but
i know
you must of thought
“it is not
me
they
love.
it is not
me
they
adore.
it is only
my work
they find
sublime.
only for my work
they stand in line.
if they knew
ME,
they would
HATE
ME.
if they knew
ME,
they would
HATE
ME….”
forever
spinning
in his mind
it didn’t matter
he could
dance
as well as
the very best
(misha
told him so)
it didn’t matter
he won
oscars
and tonys
and every
possible
award.
it didn’t matter
he made ballets
that made mr. b
cry
dances at a gathering
west side story
gypsy
the goldberg variations
fiddler on a roof
peter pan
the cage
and
fancy free
none of it could
matter
the sadness
the anger
the depression
that
refused
affection

dear jerry,
oh
dear
dear
jerry
i pray
not
to
hate myself
as much
as
i know
you knew

dear jerry,
i pray
i can use
my art to make
the world
a
better place

dear jerry
show
me
how
to accept
the person
i am
inside
and
accept
the
person
i can be

dear jerry,
may
you rest
in
peace

oh,
dear
jerry
i
only
wish
i
knew
you
in
life

© 2009 by ariana sexton-hughes, all rights reserved