When you would ink my skin,
drawing lines from one mark; one blemish to the next
until they became your art,
no longer my imperfections.
When we would lay encased in each other’s breath,
and I would inhale your sweetness
and live off you as though
you were my oxygen.
When we fit perfectly into the curls
of each other,
and cold air could
never come between us.
When you smiled at me through walls of people
and we’d talk without words about them,
and life and
what we meant to each other.
When you touched me
and my skin erupted under your hands;
I yearned for you to stop but you insisted I persevere,
and you were right.
When I gave to you the private parts
of my body and mind,
entrusted to a love that had
blistered warmth into my heart
When no one understood
and I didn’t care,
because you brought something to my life
that they could not give.
When she crawled in through your window
the way poison seeps into empty rooms;
tempting you with the excitement, supposedly lacking in our
comfort and stability
When you were blind
to how right I was for you,
and I was confused about
how good you’d been for me.
When you said goodbye;
and I didn’t know
it would be the last time
you’d let me touch you.
When I stood in front of you
in an empty room
and you saw only
stark, cracked paint.
When I screamed and screamed
through locked doors for an explanation; a validation,
and was sick with anger, but you stayed
hidden behind walls.
When all I needed was words from you;
words to answer my questions and fill in my blanks.
Yet all you ever gave me was
Contempt.
When I made mistakes
and lost those closest,
as the fog of you and her
invaded my serenity.
When you tried to touch me
after your hands had been on her
and I almost succumbed.
Almost slipped.
When I ran from her, from them.
Ran from hurt and mistakes.
From laughter and judgment.
Ran from you.
In a list
A contest entry
- Already On My Favorites List by Ted E Bare.
400 points, ended October 17, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Excellent. I loved the way you were able to communicate the progression of feelings thru the piece. See all the "we" early on change to "you" or "I". Nicely written.
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Thanks very much! I'm glad you liked it!
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huh now that was different.... I think your style is what struck me the most it was so very different from anything I have read so far. It made for a da da du sort of rhythm I really liked the emphasis. I thought that this was steamy and quite a tease lol I thought at first I had stumbled across some erotica but then your ending really was a great show of modesty. Brilliant transition on that I must say. I think it would be a shame for you not to win with this it really has a certain emphases to it. Wonderful job!
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Thank you - what a wonderful comment! Certainly not erotica - especially in the end! Haha! Thank you for reading!
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This goes from being very intimate to showing how much hurt they put you through. This was beautifully written, thank you for sharing.
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Thank you for reading!
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Brilliant. You choose your words well in this poem and it is very well expressed. I found myself very drawn into the poem. Great flow of words. just brilliant.
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Excellent
This is a very fine write, indeed. You have expressed your thoughts quite well. Thank you for sharing this one with us. Again, well done.
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awesome
This is very well written- dispite it's length it was captivating-it held the reader's attention-your choice of words too was amazing-thank you
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Thank you for your comment - Initially I worried that it might have been too long to hold attention and considered removing some of the stanzas... though I couldn't decide which ones I didn't want in there. I'm glad to know that you enjoyed it as it is. Thank you for reading!
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Awesome Awesome Awesome. Very touching.
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Amazing
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Whew, "When" took me to several places. It started out quite different where it went. I can tell that very much emotion went into this and can tell a part of you is invested in it. Perfectly written. Want to slide a
in here just for I think one was needed. I want to thank you for your entry into the following contest: "Already On My Favorites."
Ted E
PS: Your entry has been blessed by the three wise clappers, but don't spend the whole nine points in one place(lol)!
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There were moments in reading this that I found myself looking away from the screen, turning my head slightly away and reading through the corners of my eyes, as if it would soften the sharpness.
"When you said goodbye;
and I didn’t know
it would be the last time
you’d let me touch you."
The "you'd let me touch you" addition here is just so powerful.... I HATE that realisation, that knowing that privileges have been lost... gone. This is truly amazing writing, by far the best of yours I have read and I echo the comment below... so affecting... it WILL touch everyone who reads it. Congratulations poet... my socks are officially blown off. You have truly arrived with this write.
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this truly effected me. i am not one that is often moved by poetry but i felt the ache in my chest reading this. amazing work.
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Thanks! That's what any writer loves to hear!
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