In the courtroom, I had made a connection
as a lawyer, with no imperfection.
That all changed from one day of disgrace.
The day I bent over to tie a shoe lace.
Trying hard to hold back flatulation
I broke out in a perspiration.
Those beans in my stomach had caused all this tension
that led to my current condescension.
Like a butcher in a deli, I had cut a meaty one
That spontaneous combustion made the jury want to run.
The jury, indeed, thought it most unfair
as I bombarded them with extreme foul air.
It hit them like a cannon ball
to their brittle noses, one and all.
My request to leave had met a veto
then I heard the judge scream,"Holy Toledo!"
When I smelled it myself, I did not hesitate
I instantly started to circumambulate.
I was held in contempt for what they thought was a prank
cause that smell could survive an antiseptic tank.
The judge grabbed his gavel, but the smell worked too quick
it split down the middle, like a pair of chopsticks.
He cussed like a trucker, he sang a 4-letter word chorus
And some of those words were banned from every thesaurus.
The next time that beans are on my menu
I will ask the judge for a change of venue.
My good reputation will be hard to patch
from a belch down below that I just couldn't snatch.
Author notes
I'm a little tea pot
made of brass
what you think is a whistle
is hot air from my _ss
LMAO - just thought it mixed well with this entry!
Written March 19th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Random is as random does by J Rhys Davies.
500 points, ended March 24, 2004, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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Alright Molly!! 3 cheers for MONEY!LOL
I read this to my father-in-law, thought he was going to pee his pants! Thanks for your comments.
John -
Unbelievable. Nevermind a trophy, you should get money for writing such a hilarious poem with those words. I actually was laughing. Ohhh how I wish to be so creative... Congrats on the gold, well deserved!
~M~ -
LMAO, yeah I think the teapot comment is what put me over the top.LOL
Thanks for your comments.
John -
this poem was friggen hilarious and having grown up in the law it made it even funnier. but the part that had me rolling was this
"I'm a little tea pot
made of brass
what you think is a whistle
is hot air from my _ss"
the author comments were great
I will definitely be reading more of you works. -
That was awesome. All that lawyer stuff with all those words. LOL sorry, I had to say it like that becaues unfortunatly my vocabulary is limited and I have nothing better to say. good poem and it was funny, didn't think it would be but it was ya..I'm done now hasta luego!
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Congratulations on your win!!!
Sam
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This was frikin hillarious
I am still laughing a wonderful job and good luck 
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hilariously funny
ok what should i say...ummm i truly dont think i could have done better...
you made me laugh
you made me cry
and now i think
i am going to sigh
you have done a really great job...this is truly one hilarious write...and i am sorry that i havent comment on this before tonight please do forgive...i think i started reading it one eve and my little ones started paging me and you know when duty calls you have to jump...
anywho this is truly great..thank you so much for the laugh...keep up the work..peace be with you always..i loved the im a little teapot bit too.
thank you for entering.
the best of luck
~~DI~~ -
HAHAHAHAHAHA. This is hilarious, and well written! The rhyming is great and the topic, although stinky, is one of those things people get snobby about, but laugh their butts off over
One of the funniest poems I have *EVER* read. -
Great Write!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This poem is toooooooo funny. Nevermind anything else, this poem reaks with humour. Awesome, awesome write!!! I didn't even mind that it rhymed, the wording in it, the story, got me, and I laughed. Such a fun, poem. Absolutely spectacular!!!!!!!!!!!
Edited on Mar 21, 9:18 p.m. because ''. -
John, you are hysterically funny with this one! Very well written, my friend, and so very funny yet written with a great deal of taste-- pardon the pun. LOL! I am hoping you will come enter my contest just put up last evening. Love and hugs, BonnieQ
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Ha,ha, ha,ha, ha, BUT who WROTE this poem???? NOT me...i would NEVER....but YOU, yeah!!! I was just complimenting your fine work here!
TY for commenting per my request, and I read what you said to that author and that was very good!
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You just HAD to say juicy - that brings it to a whole other level of disgusting.LOL
I went back and commented as per your request, hope it helps out.
Take care,
John -
HILLARIOUS!!!!!!!
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!! John, John, JOHN...only YOU could come up with something this funny!!! You have quite a imagination and when you write something funny I know I am sure to laugh!! Very good write, rhyming is speechless and the flow is ummmmmm juicy?!! Great write and I have a hunch you may win this contest!!!
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This is so hilarious, I havent had that great of a laugh all day long, You have such a way to write hilarious stuff, keep penning but I had to read this and good luck in the contest.
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omg omg omg that was f'in brilliant!!! of course, i was expecting something of this rather gaseous nature
good luck in the contest!! -
good poem i liked it it was funny
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i am still rolling over this one. I can't stop laughing. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I like the part about the gavel splitting into chopsticks, but the whole thing was way too hilarious. You have got a good one here. I love it.
becca
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this is HALARIOUS! awesome job! it was so funny! i loved all the BIG words that you used...and the story plot was awesome. i like the courtroom idea. you have to be so perfect in there...! This was so funny! i loved the rhyme scheme that ya got going on there! . Funny poem. good luck in the contest!
best wishes,
Kim* -
lol....this was both disgusting and completely side spliting funny...great job.
always,
amberlee -
Whoops terribly sorry for the accidental click, I see I have already read and commented on this fine verse. Have a great day!
Jennifer -
amusing, disgusting yet amusing. very funny, left me giggling. nice job, very nice flow to it...
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Some things happen in life for no other reason than to remind us to laugh. You poem is one of those, "things." This was a funny read and a clever application of legal terms with a common malady. I wish you luck in the contest and I hope you skip the beans when it comes to the contest judges as well.
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Hahaha I do NOT mean this as an insult, but I think I liked your author note better then the poem. Hehe, I'd never heard that before! This one was hilarious though! After the poem I just read I really needed the laugh! Thanks so much=)
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Can't explain
God, this was a great one. After writing my depressed poems, I felt an urge to write something funny...an inspiration indeed. -
funny!
This was hilarious! Got stiches in my side now. What a great way to start my day! Keep writing...I'll keep reading.
--Willow-- -
Quite an excellent and humorous entry! I was impressed with the way you packed in your required words in such a small amount of space none of the words seemed force.
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You are right, we did write a bit similar. This was definitely an amusing and enjoyable read.
Well done.
Sam
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I am still laughing my buttocks off at this one my friend! Your rhyming was excellent and well thought out. I only have one small problem. There are a few of the required words in bold that are missing. As soon as you get the fixed, let me know. This one is a keeper for sure!
Thanks for entering! -
I hope you didn't hear it before, it's only about 15 minutes old.LOL
Thanks for your comments Susan.
Take care,
John -
I am not sure which is funny your entry or the author comment... I have not heard that one before... this is a great way to start my morning...Thank you... Susan
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1 - 31 of 31
7 old applause
