je meurs de joie,de toi,de tout
la fievre consume les parois interieures de mon coeur
a l'heure ou se calment les feuillages et s'endorment les fourrees
j'agonise a chaque seconde ou tu apparais,
en vrai ou en image
et
le sable brille sur la plage
et
au loin le petrole brule la mer
et devient
un deuxieme soleil qui se couchera aussi
a tes pieds...
je meurs de joie,de toi,de tout
les nuages me lechent les orteils
mais
l'albatros se moque de mon infirmite
alors je sombre
vers l'infiniment petit,
vers l'atome primaire qui contient tous les univers
et toi
la-bas
tu jouis
tes cris explosent comme autant d'artifices
tes soupirs expirent en fantasmes inassouvis
et
les perles des cieux deviennent poussiere
les fruits de fiel se fanent comme des fleurs fameliques
puis
la farandoles des heros fletris m'acceuille a bras ouverts
.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Your verdict...? My verdict... I don't know.. Excuse me for saying this.. but.. FUCK! this is just.. out of this world.. really.. heike.. reminded of "The Fountain" and Kronos quartet's music.. it has this magistic melancholic tone to it.. I love how mix love of Men and The World together.. I missed this. I missed you.
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et
au loin le petrole brule la mer
et devient
un deuxieme soleil qui se couchera aussi
a tes pieds...
this is one of the most amazing images i'v read/seen in a poem
[and i loved the "et" lol]
the recurring "f" sounds specially at the end give the poem a kind of background music of waves flirting with sand.. i love it
ur a genius
send my best to mathilde hehe
~rana~
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I have a weird feeling something's missing there..
for the first time, I'm going to criticize your work - not because I don't like it, but because the piece has so much potential..
To start with, I think you used too many sophisticated words, sometimes just too many words. i.e: la fievre consume les parois interieures de mon coeur.
Why do you need intérieures?
In the second "stanza", I don't really get the use of the "et" that many times..
"vers l'atome primaire qui contient tous les univers"
L'atome primaire does it.. you really needn't add the rest..
and the last two lines.. beaucoup trop de mots 3ej2in..
BUT
all what I said above doesn't stop the piece from creating an enchanted somewhat whimsical world..
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i do not read this language which is a pitty
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it's ok...it's french but maybe i can come up with a translation...cant promise it will have the same impact as the original though
thanks for commenting anyways
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