I Spit

Consuming more calories
Because I lost too much weight
A reaction to the shit you caused
I restricted what I ate

Now I am size zero
My bones crack when I walk
My ribs show under my skin
My voice shakes when I talk

I'm too weak to exercise
Effort is too mean a feat
Sickened by all of your lies
I lost the will to eat

Now I'm force feeding myself fatty food
My tiny stomach aches
I panic with every mouthful
Because it reminds me of my mistakes

You were over me in weeks
And you jumped into bed with another
But I remain chaste, I lack your haste
I'd rather just hide undercover

Your love was not real for me
Yet you allowed me to get in more debt
And try for your child, while you just went wild
And slept with whoever you could get

For months this went on
Yet you kept up the facade
Pretending you loved me
Only to cheat, then discard

When I found out on that fateful day
I delved further to assert
The extent of your sordid ways
You'd asked for sex on an online advert

You actively asked sought to meet
Girls that you didn't know from the net
While you refused to be intimate with me
And you'd get angry when I got upset

You'd accuse me of being too forward
When in reality I was okay
You were getting your fix from elsewhere
I was faithful while you strayed

Then you'd sent videos of yourself
That no woman should have seen
To a random stranger and I was outraged
I had no idea where you'd been

Your secrecy with your phone
And with the internet
You'd be cagey, and vague and alone
I trusted you, which I regret

I should have seen the warning signs
That you were playing away
You should have told me you didn't love me
I should never have found out this way

You told everyone I was to blame
You lied to your family and said
That it was all my fault, and you were the victim
Yet more people you've misled

You seem to think this is trivial
That this will blow over and be fine
You commited a sin, and broke your vow
Your actions are far from benign

I trusted you with everything
And you turned round and shattered my trust
You ruined a perfect marriage
Because of insecurity and petty lust

Well I hope it was worth it
Because I really don't want you back
What you did to me was unforgivable
And I refuse to cut you any slack

Acting like you are the victim
Why should I feel sorry for you?
You've ruined my life, stabbed my heart with a knife
You aren't the person I thought I knew

I am wary and I am bitter
I have lost my trust in men
Because of your manipulation
I won't be able to trust again

I have to thank you in a way
Because I'd rather leave you now
When I'm young and have many more days
To pick up my life somehow