I'm sorry it got so ugly, when it began so simple and cute. I'm sorry that all your lying and cheating turned me into the cold hard bitch I am today. Emotions blocked by an invisible barrier in my chest, that you screwed into place. I miss the way my hand looked with that ring sparkling in the sun, and the way my body felt after a long night with you. I've forgotten the way your voice sounds or how your bony embrace felt. I guess its better this way. I'm sorry things got so terrible and never got good, but you know its better this way, it hurts less and less every day. I'm sorry I took so many cheap shots at you, but I still feel like you deserve it. I told myself in October of last year, the last time I laid in your bed, that if things weren't on good terms by the 13th of June, (the day we broke up for good, the day I really felt it), then I would drop it all, forget it all, and unblock it all. Let you go, Let it go, Let us go. So I'm apologizing in advance for writing this letter, because I know it will hurt to read. In January I told you, "I"m not me anymore, you don't want to know me now". And it still stands true. I am not a Faerie-Girl, nor am I a Baby-Girl. I'm not the girl who settles down with taco bell and a rented movie every other night. I'm a Whiskey drinker, a Bestfriend, and i'm always out of this house with no clue what comes next. I like it this way, and i'm sorry you never met the new me. If i had the chance, I would even change my name, because I sure as hell changed everything else. Thank you for giving me a chance to re-invent myself and connect with all my old friends. I hope you did the same, and I hope your as happy as your pretending. I'm sorry I had to leave Pig behind, but I'm sure you raised him well. I'm sorry I made life rough for so long, but i'm done with it now. So, You, this is good-bye and a deep breath, because it's the last sigh of relief that this terrible storm is over. I'm Sorry, I Am.
Love,
Clare Elizabeth
I have blood pumping through my veins, and thoughts in my head, it means i'm alive.
Comments
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Yeah. It hurts. And I'm sorry, too. But still...
Pig cried a lot for a while there. I think everyone did.
But it's irrevocable, and pointless.
I don't know why I'm commenting on this. Maybe for the simple reason that I can? I don't know. There's not much I know anymore. Everything in my life flows nicely, and it functions, is practical, utilitarian. Spartan.
Maybe I'm just not used to the changes. 5, 6 years is a long time. I'm only 20. So, really, over a fourth of my life belonged to one person. It's a difficult thing to cope with.
I could counter this by writing my own letter. I'm not going to. I've said all that has been needed to be said. And really, if it weren't for the fact that I check your AP every few days to see how you are, I never would have seen this. I almost wish I hadn't.
Things hurt less when I felt justified in hating you. But we're all just pretenders, greats actors in a great play, and we all go home in the end.
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