In this garden, when I first walked with you, I remember how I felt the
peace of vernal love, the kind nutured from the breast of innocence. Oh,
how I lived to imbibe of its intoxicating aroma, just simply to breathe it.
Minute peals of wind chimes tinged my newly discovered passion and
I cringed ever so slightly as you took me in your arms and snuggled
up against my heart.
Allow me this pause, for memories threaten to inudate my spirit
with vaugeness of yesteryears, a time best forgotten. I raise my
glass to life beyond, ye gods, who smiled their grace on me.
Yet here you are, just when consternation had been dispelled
as an avid companion. Just when I thought it all lay dormant
in the abyss of trepidation's burial grounds, must I now be set
upon by the betrayal of my mind as it diligently proceeds with
the task of laying my soul bare, stripping me down to denial's
undergarments.
It was in the garden I sat when you masterminded your untimely
departure and it is here I now sit pondering your call stating your
desire to return. After eons of silent regrets, you crave for those
recollections, while it behooves me to even contemplate why you
should.
One single night you say you need for in that small expanse
of time, declarations that couldn't surface then, now command
that I once more be yours.
Silences that scream into the midnight of my domain
beset upon my reluctance to heed your call, but protocol
of defunct love affairs demand that I listen. Again I am
mesmerized by the times, the lingering ardor of youth
still clouds the perimeter. Darkness is my only comfort
as suspended in times I lie.
Deep oceans of nostalgia accompanied by waves of total
recall rumble upon the shores of lingering desires thought
to have long ago met its demise. The darkness is my saviour
as I willed myself to dream away the misery that one single
call has conjured up. Pain that menaced my existence and
clung to my innards for an eternity. pain I thought I had rode
hard and put away still dripping with the charred remnants
of this scorched heart. Where did it go, that protective coating
that I painted around its core.
A rose garden it was, and through it we walked, carefree and in
lust. Frolicking thru the underbrush of unknown sorrow, seeking
no tomorrows, me dancing to the impulses of my heart, you
dancing to the rhythm of my deliciously inviting hips. Flying
free with the tune of the wind, I committed myself to you,
all of me, trusting wholeheartedly that our adolescent
fervor was in sync.
Not peering beyond the moment, intoxicating was your
exigency, inebriating was my thirst to sate that need.
Charmed and easily led astray, I skipped into uncertainity.
Hush, is this my nightmare calling, or dark antiquity
slinking from the recesses I consigned them to so long
ago. What gods pardoned their inquities and sanctioned
their release, or, was it I, in my willfull self?
Rivulets of salt, formed from the oceans of tears I
shed, infiltrate my sanity, as I now walk thru this
garden alone, hearing those broken promises,
watching my future dissipate, then trying to hold
onto fractured reality willed to me, nibbling at
reflections that reminded me that one moment in
time I was happy.
Stabbing and crying at the impetuosity of losing
my innocence, I embrace the memories. As I prod
those memories, I sit here remiss with indulgence
into a past that had no chance of survivial. You
had to leave for me to move on. A difficult road
to traverse, but in retrospect, one that had to be
probed.
Tiny fingers, holding fast to tentacles of bitterness
seek to adhere to the bowels of revenge, but since
it's closure that you are in pursuit of, it's only a
moment, not a single night you need. For, you see,
in loving you, I became a fervent student. There is
nothing to forgive for life has taught me that the
truth does indeed set you free.
Broken without a thought, is how you departed
from me, yet you return with the thought that
I would have even contemplted detesting you.
Your cowardice to committment was only your
desire to grow freely. It was never hate, more
like envy. You knew how to fly, I had a fear of
flying. You flew, while I grieved on the terrain,
but soon with all things sold, I crawled, I walked,
I flew.
Scraps of paper occupy a place at the base of the
trash receptacle, as I imagine your petulant tone,
when you read this and realize there will be no
single night spent among faded memories. This,
I present to you, your closure. Remove the bandage
and let the wound heal. No revivial will there be
of a long ago affair. As I ascertain that, old age,
as youth once did, brought me back to this
garden, I engage the gurgles of laughter in the
distance as its echo touch the fragance I bid that
you sprinkle generously into your very own
garden of freedom. As I have, you must fly free!
marjorie joyce leslie
06/17/09
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