seventy-four pairs of shoes by Polaja at All poetry

and a failed marriage;

if only he had spewed

gold-dust, maybe her

skin wouldn’t have

crawled at his touch.

but his calloused honesty

was a shade too vulgar

for upper-class status

eventually, she found what

she craved. it was in the way

they moulded to the arches

of her feet; she discovered

elegance at the cost of

stability

it was a fool’s sacrifice,

and she made it willingly

Author notes

prompt: put your hands on me my love, while the world wakes up early and wastes the day working for money they don't need, to buy things they don't need. we'll sleep in, we'll do it again. it's the little things that we do that mean anything.
credit: owen - put your hands on me, my love

sorry this is so bad, my muse is officially missing (presumed dead).

60/100

A contest entry

favorites only; individual prompts by winterbound.. 625 points, ended October 11, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

This is a draft - be as harsh as you like.

Comments

1 - 25 of 25

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
Miss Faerie
June 22

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Bandits United!!!
Your words reach out and speak love, as always. Every word has a thought that links to the next and you can see that the words grow deeper and etched in stone.

Sometimes... we do the things that mean the most at the greatest cost.

Sorry for the late bandit comment, but wanted to come by late or not!

Shari
grannyeri
June 22

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BANDITS UNITED: Better late than never - hope you enjoyed your special day in the spotlight - liked the brevity of the lines and thoughts, the message you share in these lines - certainly do not think your muse is dead, think it has come back - big time.
oXLeviXo
June 21

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I enjoyed this because the male figure portrayed reminds me of myself... I guess I'm self-deprecating like that.

I find that introspective works tickle my fancy more than those with flowery metaphor that obscure life rather than bring it closer to clarity. This piece, though lacking the climactic epiphany of most introspective poetry, attempts to relate that personal depth to the reader.

... and I kinda have a weird shoe thing...*cough*

Anyway-
awesome piece
Emerald Lass
June 19

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Bandits United!!
Ah, I do like this poem that punches home the message very well, indeed. Finely written with wonderful free verse.
Melodies
June 19

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BANDITS UNITED YAY!
CLEVERNESS, so aptly penned by a talented poet. Love the imagery and metaphoric messages.
CitrineSunrise
June 19

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Bandits United
A very succinct way to show that people often use material objects to satisfy deep emotion yearnings. Many shopoholics never wear the items they purchase. They simply love the rush of buying something new to fill an inner void.

I felt the first line needed something more. The first time I read this poem I thought the beginning words had been deleted by mistake because I wanted to know WHAT and a failed marriage.

I read your notes about your missing muse, and I understand completely. I suffered through the same thing this Spring, and the little darling is only showing up for brief intervals even now. I'm sure she'll return for both of us. Peace, Liz
- Polaja
  June 19
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  Thank you for your comment the first line continues from the title, so "seventy-four pairs of shoes and a failed marriage" good luck finding your muse!
Kathleen a Nazarene
June 19

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Bandits United!
Into the 'new' style of writing I see! I don't usually 'take' to many new form writes...but I like this. It's well executed & I can only imagine this will do well in the Contest.
azure85
June 19

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BANDITS UNITED!
Stilleto revenge, a really in teresting take on the prompt and an excellent poem by your skilled hand.
mcheadle
June 19
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BANDITS UNITED
You did your mission proud.life is a lot different than a pair of shoes...mac
Haiku-bless-you
June 19

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BANDITS UNITED!!
Wow! This is either a metaphoric masterpiece or the tale of bittersweet revenge, I haven't made up my mind yet. Either way it is a fantastic write that is becoming typical of your regular style! Write On!

You have been Spotlighted by your poetic Bandit family today because WE CARE!

Brother dennis
ml12
June 19

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Bandits United
I'm glad she found something. I liked 'stability' being its own stanza - it was so definite. I also liked the abrupt beginning. Cheers
paperparadox
June 19

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Bandits United!
I honestly don't think you could write something 'bad' ~ EVEN IF YOU TRIED!!

As ever, you have the gift of beautiful language use and this shines brightly through your poetry.

Always such a pleasure to read your stuff, Sweet Pea!

(I'm currently updating my favourites, so I hope you don't mind me slotting you in there! )

Enjoy your day to shine in our Bandit spotlight!
Tamera
June 19

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Bandits United
So many marriages fail for such benign reasons. Why not because she loved shoes more. I am sure judges have granted divorces for even less reason. Very strong discriptives in this write. I enjoyed the read!
judmc
June 19

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BANDITS UNITED ! !
Quite funny and typical of the "weaker" sex hope that's not too harsh (of the weeker sex) the poem was
great; Regards George....
Freed by Mercy
June 18

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Bandits United!
I like this! I think it speaks as much about the marriage as shoes, maybe more. "calloused honesty" makes me think of a simple, honest hard working man, or someone who spoke the truth to hurt others.

I'm not sure whether the final 3 lines add or detract from this poem. The jury's still out.
Twinstar
June 18

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Bandits United!
A wonderful poem. It is so true, we work for material things, and those really important things in life often go by the wayside. Great imagery, and well crafted. I'd say your muse did a wonderful job.

Love & Light
Debbera
Desire
June 18

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Bandits United!!
Wow~ I am like at a loss for words- not used to this style but after a few reads- I enjoyed what You have versed~ Powerful imagery also word usage- tugged hard at my core~ Intense
Bravo!!
This line pulled:
it was a fool’s sacrifice,
and she made it willingly
Thank You for sharing Your Talent
Best wishes in the contest
with love & light~ Desire~*~
Manda Kathryn
June 18

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Bandits United!
o.O

I confess I didn't read the title before reading and as I read I thought 'Why did it begin with and'? & then I looked at the title and a light bulb glowed inside my head

This is honestly a fantastic piece hun; I really how the vocabulary is strong yet almost simplistic - the imagery of gold-dust and seventy-four pairs of shoes

All brillance for me
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
BluesMan
June 18

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Bandits United
What makes a good pair of shoes is what makes a good husband. They both need tp be broke in for comfort Heheh A very interesting poem. It made me sit and ponder it for a while. A most enjoyable read.
DramaQueen469
June 18

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Bandits United!
This is a stunning write, hun; beautiful imagery and I absolutely ADORED that ending. Thankyou so much for sharing!

♥ Maria ♥
notorious
June 18
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I fancy your edits.
perfectsunset
June 17

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this is amazing..
your poetry is never rubbish,
every write of yours is filled
with such insight and beautiful
imagery, as well as emotion
*& meaning.

Best wishes in the contest
charcoal
June 17
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this is so not bad.

read it again after a few days.

+++
notorious
June 16

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I don't know if I like how everything begins with the 'and'...or if I don't like it. BUT what's definite is that it works, regardless of whether I like it or not (and I'm still undecided...)

"gold-dust"
I originally read this as "god-dust".

"it was in the way
they moulded to the arches
of her feet; she discovered
elegance at the cost of
stability"
APPROVAL to major extents!!

;
Jessica