The Notebook Chronicals

i sit
cigarette in hand
and ponder...
          endlessly...

my nature walks
are nature smokes
nature... rejuvenations
  of self-being
      and self-belonging

so here I rest
on this old tree route
and tell my story

---

6/16.

i talk to you
trying to get something out of you
but it's STILL
all the same

i talk to you
in hope of conversation
too much to ask?

nearly eight months now
and inner thoughts of me
belittled to
nrrglerlqrt?
random letters you speak
is that supposed to be a flirt?

i don't get much flirt anymore
i don't get much of anything anymore

but, all is well here
just me, just some bugs
and i'm fine with that

---

6/16.

as i finish this cigarette
i bid you farewell
and hope to see you soon
as more issues
of ours
are soon to arise

---

6/19.

took me a good
twenty minutes?
just to find somewhere
i can be alone

there's no privacy here
no privacy anywhere
except for my bedroom
...but i hate my bedroom
i hate my loneliness
my bedroom is loneliness

---

6/19.

releasing stress
is what i'm here to do
i just can't get enough
of my thoughts of you

they are the fuel to this cigarette
negativity towards you i try not to let
inside my soul, but how can't you see
that every move you make, it affects me
sometimes it's for good, but that isn't the case
as this cigarette is all i can taste

can you hang out sunday? instead of today?
i've got some friends here and we want to play
since you can't sleep over, do you mind?
is me sleeping over the only love you can find?
as i let her know it doesn't seem like she cares
or at all wants to see me, and thats just not fair
haven't seen her for a week, finally gets to saturday
left sitting right here, in my dusty driveway

i miss you.



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this is an account of me, and my life. i have a lot of thoughts within i need to get out, and this is my way of doing so. if end up reading, thank you very much. if you end up commenting, thank you even more. expect updates. i'd separate into individual poems, but it costs money to use lists.

-Jordan Beck