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Sunlight poured through the cracks in my front door

I thought the dark of the night would never go away
I thought a new day would be delayed as I stared at the clock
Tick tock, tick tock
A watched pan never boils
A baby-sat clock never ticks
But here it is, morning
Sunlight is pouring through the cracks of my front door
I saw something yesterday and it made me cringe
Though the sorrow may last for the night, joy comes in the morning
It's the morning, where's the joy?
I've been dreading this day, dreading for weeks and months
I put on my clothes blindly, I brush my teeth and my eyes are blood shot
I put on my shoes, wrong foot, Fail
Try again
I walk out the door, the sun is shining in my eyes
I stare at it and get into my car
I turn on the car and back out slowly
I meet my fiancee at the airport, we hug and she cries
The reason she has to leave isn't good enough
The reason she has to say goodbye is understandable but it still hurts
I look at the sun and I'm wondering how it's still shining
I look at my feet and I'm wondering how they can still hold
She's leaving, I'm numb
I drive back and hold my tears until I get home
She's leaving for a week, how can I survive?

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 31 of 31

  • shahrzad
    September 28

    Edit | Reply
    Great job on this one, Jenny! I have always been the one in this position and you have captured the feelings of pain, disbelief and numbness so well with your words. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
    Shahrzad (Voo-doo)


  • Crazy9Piano8Freak
    September 21

    Edit | Reply
    Wow..... that leaves me utterly speechless.... Very captivating. I felt like crying! Awesome write. There is so much passion in here. I can tell you love her very much. At first I thought your relationship was ending but then I read that last line and it got even better! AWESOME!!!!! One suggestion - try a background.... it'll be more exciting. that doesn't affect your chances in the contest, I just like backgrounds to add to the write. Besides that, I LOVE IT!!!!! Lol awesome awesome amazingly wonderful!

  • catstar
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    Love and goodbyes always seem to follow each other in life and you told the story of this farewell really well. This was very heart felt. I thoroughly enjoyed the read


  • serenity silvermoon
    August 18
    Edit | Reply
    i give you a d- on this one


  • Sheilasbabygal4life
    August 17
    Edit | Reply
    Very nicely done. Thanks for entering best of luck!


  • Horrific Hollis
    August 17

    Edit | Reply
    I will admit,
    I was expecting something
    a little more tragic at the end.
    I was a little dissapointed with it.
    But the beggining and middle
    were very good.
    Lots of emotion.


    • Blue-Rose Beauty
      August 22
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah, the ending was supposed to be a surprise. Like, what? And then you realize he REALLY loves her.


  • liduen silver member
    August 15

    Edit | Reply
    This is so sad and powerful. I love the repetition of the beggining of each line...it added a raw quality of the piece that made the emotions even more hard-hitting and real.

    Thank you for hosting the contest - I am honored to have recieved such a beautiful write's title to inspire me


  • Sweet-Sins
    August 15
    Edit | Reply
    omg this is sad- welldone!
    x


  • Diminished Capacity gold member
    August 7

    Edit | Reply
    This is so sad. It is difficult being without the people we love, even if it's just for a short while. You did an awesome job conveying your emotions in this write, which I have to say I enjoyed. Thank you so much for entering.


  • The cliche typo
    July 30
    Edit | Reply

    Oh ssorry! i updated the contest... its rounds now so its a different prompt....

    Enter a poem for the new prompt and (if its this good) you will most definitly pass on too round 2! (wich willl fit this poem)

  • HollyLouise
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    I really like the title, but i'm not sure it's what i'm looking for in my contest. I don't like how most sentences start with I.

    Maybe if you expanded on things a little more you could strengthen this piece.


  • Shadow Anonymised gold member
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    this isnt bad. not brilliantly mind blowing, but not bad.
    i adore the cliches in it, its about time someone entered for that option.

    much luck in the rest of the very many contests.


  • cookie-monster
    July 14
    Edit | Reply
    no


  • August Starlight silver member
    July 13
    Edit | Reply
    no. sorry.


  • rainbows. gold member
    July 13
    Edit | Reply
    No.

    I really liked this. Just not exactly what Im looking for. (:


  • crivanea silver member
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    what an interesting write! the title really grabbed my attention..i believe you did a good job with the imagery..and you give some good lines

    I look at my feet and I'm wondering how they can still hold

    love that one


  • glazecovered
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    This was a rather enjoyable read, though the last line is a bit...unexpected. I felt most of it applied to me, as I have felt like this when my loved one left for two years.

    Good luck in the contest...and all the other contests you've entered.

  • Rhiannan
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    Hehe "wrong foot, Fail" that line made me giggle you have chosen a unique point of view, instead of a heavy emotion you have done lack of emotion or even frustration. I like it, this is unique. Thank you for entering!


  • black-phenoqu
    July 3
    Edit | Reply

    you love this person, they will come back to you.

    a lot of visual. i like all the details.


  • enlightenedatheist
    July 3
    Edit | Reply
    this is very emotion felt but the setup i feel takes away from the pice it looks more like a giant paragraph than a poem. but best of luck in the contest


  • BabyBun silver member
    June 27
    Edit | Reply
    The scene you create is immediate and full of emotion. Best of luck in my contest.


  • Jamzine
    June 24
    Edit | Reply
    thx for entering


  • Dragonbabyx3
    June 23

    Edit | Reply
    This is sweet. I really enjoyed reading this. I know what it's like to leave for a week, and be left for a week. It's tough, but sometimes it is a great break. I enjoyed reading your beautiful piece, the emotion and rhythm held me captive throughout.


  • ladybug.
    June 23

    Edit | Reply
    "I put on my clothes blindly, I brush my teeth and my eyes are blood shot
    I put on my shoes, wrong foot, Fail
    Try again"

    As much as I find those lines humourous, I really feel they brought the poem together. Thank you for sharing.

  • enlightenedatheist
    June 20

    Edit | Reply
    You have talent hon but this is not what I am looking for but the emotion is wonderful. keep penning honey never give up!


  • ceegeeess
    June 18

    Edit | Reply

    Hope is unending!

    Firstly,Dear Rose, the streamlike movement of words as they strike your mind is so good and noval and I liked it. The title you have given to the write is so opt and beautiful. Your observating power is nice. Wish you blossom like rose, dear sweet Rose!


  • SkyScraper Soul
    June 17
    Edit | Reply
    I really like the style in which you wrote this. Good play on word and structure. Nice job!


  • alwaysforgotten gold member
    June 17
    Edit | Reply
    This is a deep but truthful. I like keep up the good work


  • Antebellum
    June 16

    Edit | Reply
    Nice take on the title.

    "She's leaving, I'm numb
    I drive back and hold my tears until I get home
    She's leaving for a week, how can I survive?"

    Very strong ending.
    thanks for entering.


  • Antebellum
    June 16
    Edit | Reply
    1.] Sunlight poured through the cracks in my front door.

1 - 31 of 31