In words without say
This heart within this cold drought of tundra blues
Blows harsh winds of dispelling happiness
But in every drop snow from the skies
It seems to kill
But weather on inside the warmth of an igloo
But still so cold these walls are
Shelter they may be
These lips quiver still
Lying, freezing without fire
The fire of life ablaze
The fire of another's warmth
The fire of you
It's scary
Like a galloping nightmare
So beautiful
Yet chilling to the soul
Dreams are eaten away
Yet hope hangs on thin strands of hair
In dimly burning hearth of this soul
And only a handful of paper and ink
Writing each word slow and steady
yet so mixed...
And soon lay torn on the barren floors
The cold surface of home
A breath of sigh escapes into the air
Gathering the small pieces of paper
Hands go into work
To birth into small works of art
Art to birth hope
A wishful hope
Delicately changing these torn pieces
Into child's pleasurable memories
Folding them into one's innocence past
Burning into them with soul
A head
A tail
And two wings pulled
To form a crane
My hope
My wish
For it all to stay together
And a smile
Author notes
~*~ Inspiration...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywpsKs2LaK0&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UiBAoivy2k&feature=related
Love the violin + piano...
And, these are my thoughts put forth~ Here it is for you to dissect and take what you will from it~
Thank you for reading~
Now for sleep~ zzZ
Thanks for checking it out! ^^/
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Delicately changing these torn pieces
Into child's pleasurable memories
Folding them into one's innocence past
Burning into them with soul
these lines really rang true for me...I think you have done a fantastic job with this one!! -
dejaey here....like it...sound depressing though...not much in to poetry...only reason why is cause of c. nice
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The first line: 'In words without say' throws me off. I expect to read 'speech' or some other word there.
'Blows harsh winds of dispelling happiness' - Maybe 'Harsh winds dispel happiness'?
I would go for a little less repetition in the 'fire' stanza. You can condense that whole thing into one idea.
'Dreams are eaten away' - passive voice that could be made active.
Try taking out the adverbs and reworking the meaning without them, if possible.
'Wishful hope' - Isn't all hope wishful?
How about 'a sigh escapes'?
I look forward to seeing what you do with this. Mainly, I'd like to see it condensed more.
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I did feel that my thoughts were everywhere at the time. When I wrote it and reread it, I liked the idea of the whole thing but I know I transitioned a lot.
It was late as well but that's just my excuse.
Thanks for taking the time to swing by and critique my piece. Much appreciation ^^/
-IY
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Delicately changing these torn pieces
Into child's pleasurable memories
Folding them into one's innocence past
Burning into them with soul
wow. this poem is beautiful. the words flow like water and it fits well with the videos. I like
highwaytraveller -
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Thanks for stopping by and reading my poem. Really appreciate the comments
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On first read this is beautiful, on second and third it became exquisite. Thank you so much for such beautiful piece.
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Thanks, I was finally happy writing it last night. Couldn't find the right tune until I stopped by on these particular pieces on youtube ^^;
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a good poem, it shines with fine light and soft smiles, with warm love and spiritual existence, very lovely indeed.
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thanks for taking the time to read and comment, much appreciate it ^-^
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