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Allie

Allie dearest
Would you like to be an astronaut?
If not.
I promise to get you tickets back to hell,
Before we’re dead.

I heard you didn’t miss me
Allie,
I heard you were too busy
Branding my faults on the fore arm
And painting stripes on my skin

If only Allie,
You listened when I asked you,
To stop drawing lies from my sins…




Author notes

I never really wrote anything like this before so I hope to get some feedback on it.

So what do you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Demonic Beauty
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this. Its like you can almost hear the voice from the back of your mind. x]]. Its almost slightly creepy. Which i like... xD

    Great write <3

    Much Love
    x~Chloe~x


  • The-namesless-one
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    I love this poem. I especially like how you start out with "Allie dearest,"as if she's your friend, and then you go off to explain what she's done.
    Excellent.

  • lyrebird gold member
    June 16

    Edit | Reply
    Branding my faults on the fore arm And painting stripes on my skin -----> Love those lines. I heard you were too bussy -----> "bussy" should be "busy" A well-written poem. ♥


  • pranj
    June 16
    Edit | Reply
    The last three lines a really nice.It says a lot in a few words!

1 - 5 of 5