In my heart it’s raining
Teardrops full of pain
Sunlight’s gone, hid its face
As storms go insane
In my heart it’s pouring
Oceans of distress
For all I know only I am drowning
All I seek is rest
In my heart it’s flooding
Rivers of regret
Too hard is it to depart from the past
To try to forget.
In my heart it’s breaking
Shattering, tearing too
Bits and pieces penetrate the flesh
Blood comes pouring through
In my heart it’s bleeding
What’s left of this mortal being
Fear of dying is nonexistent
For Heaven I would soon be seeing
Author notes
This is a revision of a poem that I wrote almost three years ago, and any changes to the original would be a major improvement. It was bad. Hopefully this is better. 
In a list
A contest entry
- Prewrite quickie again :] everyone wins by Ami.
850 points, ended September 5, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want all poems about RAIN by Atrus.
1000 points, ended September 21, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I seek honest opinions and helpful criticism. :)
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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It encourages me to see poets on allpoetry who revise their poems and are excited that they've made improved versions from older ones. :-) Keep up the good work.
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Wow, this is absolutely brilliant. So heartfelt and full of emotion. Definitely evoked some feeling in me, wonderful job.
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This is really amazing
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I loved it. The first line was very effective, and because you made the stanzas short, it made the flow nice and easy to read. Well done.
Keep up the good work. -
I like how you state the, "in my heart" things before each lines.
Nice job. -
I think this is really quite good. It actually sounds like song lyrics to me, especially in the beginning. The ending is strong and I liked that too.
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Thank you very much!
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I really enjoyed the first line of each stanza, i thought that was very effective. You also finished very well with the last line, it really fitted with the theme of the poem and also didnt falter the rhyme.
Oceans of distress
Brilliant line.
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i love the imadry and rhyme sheme in this poem!!!!!!!!
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that is so beautiful! I loved every single stanza.... it was so creative and unique. your rhyme was beautifully smooth. In my heart it’s bleeding
What’s left of this mortal being
Fear of dying is nonexistent
For Heaven I would soon be seeing
THATS my favorite! -
Bravo! Clever write, I love it, depicts the emotional storms s masterfully. I love rain so this is comforting to me. Blessings.
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I love this one! Something about the way you wrote this, really tugs at the heart strings. I love it! I don't think I would change a word of this one!
and love
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