I am lonely in my loneliness even the solitude leaves me behind.
I smoke my feeling and blow them away.
sunlight seems so dramatic to my crimson eyes
I just wait for the darkness to fall and my dreams to come,
ice rolling clean on the glass of my loneliness
even in this mess of intoxication love seems supreme.
it aches and it hurts and it bleeds
my nose burns and my heart addicts
yet it beats and beats and beats.
Hopelessness is something that lies within my every shadow
and I fight with it till the heavy sun lays it rays down to rest.
Why is it that I ask for redemption? I know of nothing.
Time was never my friend nor was my faithful foe
it never stopped for me but it did slow down
When I wanted to get over with it
if the sun and the moon and the stars so far away
and it’s the space between that sings tranquility
then why am I not close to peace?
as for the distance I created is same apart.
Brass sun blazing his light through the clouds trying to shades it color
its the time for doing nothing but to run like the breeze not caring of anyone.
Times right if its not so wrong but its time to run.
Run through life as its stays on this shady painful bliss
as no one cares so why should I!
I just run through it all as if its my morning pride.
sometimes I stop and play as it hurts everyday
but who am I to complain as every one does the same
see the water its viscous and blur.
I don’t understand why I do feel this way
there is no place for me in the sky or on the ground
so I have to dwell where everything is thrown
am I thrown down here or its the way its suppose to be
why I ask when there is no one to answers me
so I run and run and run till I exhaust and fall ..
Things were different when I know it was then
I never thought how things will change.
Within these hopeless moments
will it ever crack open and let me free
or will it be warm and harvest into a life?
my heart with out you is like an empty shell
it hurts too bad and it feel like hell
but will it be in the touch of reality
a kiss from you in reminiscence liberate
in the air, in the surrounding, in the moods of the season
like rain that falls out of reason.
Tick Tock loud and clear
as the world is in my feet.
Time is conquered
and I am the king the emperor
Each spilled word
hides my face through this facade
in hope this words find you astray
when this burden of my soul lifts high
When the rain hits my face
I will smile again…
if isn't love that eeks my soul
Then be it hate that rots it.
My heart sings an ode for a lonely beat
if you could hear me
would you be with me?
lets kiss each other before the sunrises
once I hold your breath deep with in me
all the time you spent with out me just repented through my skin
I love it when it hurts so bad
That my emotions just go pale..
Author notes
this write was not written in a moment but is a compilation of all the small lines i have collected in very long time and couldn't complete them... for me this is an incomplete work and needs some attention. I would appreciate any help from you guys.
written by ~ A B U Y I ~
A contest entry
- No Limit, Just Write What you feel... by mysticstorm.
600 points, ended October 31, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything at all - Points will go up by AngelicDreams.
700 points, ended November 24, 68 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
tell me your interpretations
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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This was fantastic.The words are beautiful,even the sad parts.It had me gripped from start to finish.Montey
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I think this is great!!! I like the conflicting emotions I got throughout the poem!!!
welcome the the finalists!!
Thank you for entering and good luck! -
It has
It has a feeling of joy in sorrow, somewhat like getting satisfaction in sorrow, nice work bro :-)
best wishes,
Mou -
An enigma
Congrates for the honorable mention you did deserve it, I felt as if your feelings and emotions were jailed and you want to free them, I like this poem, especially when you said I am lonely in my loliness I feel being inspired with the verse..Well Done Abuyi
yours,
Han
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Enigma.. yes so true
thanks a lot dear.. i really appreciated your comment and applauds.
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"I am lonely in my loneliness"
first off this sounds sad, but not in the sad way, just basically ... lacking in context. come on, lonley in lonliness? hun you could do way better than using the same word in different ways! i honestly felt like rolling my eyes, you can do so much better. be simple but not so simple that it lacks the emotion you are putting across to people. use the world as your inspiration sometimes ok? oh and crimson ... stay away from that word! it's over done and has died a thousand years ago
you did well either way just keep growing with your poetry and you'll do fine. <
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did you ever passed through those lines and even bothered to read ahead... ??? tell me your interpretation rather than your prediction..
crimson is never old... first line is crap i agree. but again isn't the contest about "old lines or words, anything from a poem you might want to delete or were editing and never got around to it, and write a new one with that." this is exactly what i did.
I really like honest opinions so thanks for being honest.. try to be lil more constructive on comments you will grow even better in your poetry.
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i dont feel that i was any less constructive than i should have been, because well yes i did ask for that but it seems that you didn't get the point, i said make a new poem, not just bunch up a shit load of old lines and say ta da! there's a new poem. i have specific likes and i'm sorry if i offended you but as i said i dont sugar coat. should of thought of that before you entered.
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Its ok, you don't have to apologize. I dint get offended. I got very contrastic comments on this poem. some like the vary things that some others didn't like in this poem and i never asked for sugar.
http://sharepoetry.com/poem/46982
the last comment says "Your first line, "I am lonely in my loneliness even the solitude leaves me behind.", is great"
this poem is not a bunch up shit load...dont insult my work & thats again not being constructive. this was written before you hosted the contest but i felt it fit your criteria. i wanted some honest constructive comments so i entered.
thanks again for replying...
regards
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Okay, it may jump around, but so does the song as many often do...you took your thoughts and ran with them...looking back later you may find the need to edit it but for now it has depth and scattered meaning just as the lyrics...it is well done.
Thank you for entering!
mystic
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you have some great lines here, but i think it needs to be edited so that your concept is visible. it's kind of all over the place, but sprinkled with some really nice imagery. maybe try to give it some consistency or sensical progression, and think about what your point was in writing this. also, it needs some better grammar and punctuation. it is filled with raw emotion, now harness it.
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its a ten
dont you dare revise it, it is perfect, the words just jump out and I can honestly feel what you were feeling. from experience, this pain will make you stronger. very good
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thanks for understanding and appreciating my work...
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There's a lot here and it has to be cut through with a machete and combed. I think this could be condensed and be more effective in a smaller poem. Also you have instances of greatness followed with inconsistency of line to line. You go from great imagery, uniqueness to ending the poem with "I love it when it hurts so bad, that my emotions just go pale.." Which is nothing compared to the splendour of lines like "ice rolling clean on the glass of my loneliness".
The ending lines are something I've seen, read, hated in many different poems. That line I just quoted is something unique, fresh and new that I enjoyed. Work on being more consistent and writing in that way, with that innovation. -
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yup i agree with you completely... the thing is i know alot of things just don't go together in this poem.. but the problem i am facing now is i completely forgot what made me write this, so the whole editing procedure is blur for me.
i will work and think on what you have recommended 'innovation'... thanks a lot for your time and effort i really appreciate it
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Very well written
After reading this beautifully written poem, "My," I feel like I know your strongest need and greatest interest -- the companionship of your most loved one.
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thanks dear.. this was an entry for a dark contest... by the time i entered it the contest got closed. this write was not written in a moment but is a compilation of all the small lines i have collected in very long time and couldn't complete them... for me this is an incomplete work that i gathered.. that's why it ends up as a love write but its has a piece of all the other emotions too
well thanks again for your comment and applauds
.. i feel good
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