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you implored me to talk
until you felt confident
you wouldn’t forget
when I asked why,
you whispered
through clouds:
"it was my voice too;
before I grew old"
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Author notes
prompt: can you hear me
she used to tell me that my voice was the sunshine in her garden.
59/100
A contest entry
- Prompt by AliceinPoetryLand.
900 points, ended June 17, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
This is a draft - be as harsh as you like.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Bandits United
The continuity of generations is evidenced by little things like sharing a voice, the color of eyes, love for chocolate. Each thing that binds us to the ones we love is extra special. The best epitaph any of us could have is to be remembered with love and affection by those that mean the most to us. My condolences on your great-grandmother's passing. How fortunate you were, though, to have her in your life. Peace, Liz
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Great usage of words. I do have one question, how are things in Australia
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the pronouns in the beginning confused me a bit. and how was my voice yours?
excellent themes of age, communication. clearly love on some level. whispering added a nice texture to the varying loud/soft, and the clouds metaphor really pulled that out as well.
short but sweet!
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Thank you - this is written from me to my great grandmother who passed away recently. She used to love hearing my voice because it reminded her of who she was when she was younger
the speech at the end comes from her. I hope that clears up where the poem is coming from!
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this was really sad, without being sad or depressing, so beautiful in the imagery, and i love the title.
the imagery is so strong in so few words, its so powerful
♥
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Very moving
I was very moved in a haunting kind of way. The first three lines are very strong and the last two lines are strong. The middle part is interesting - might need more clarity. However, this poem touches the core of me. - Eugenia -
wow, so i have gotten really behind in reading your poems, and i feel bad
i love how the title incorporates itself with the poem. i really love the imagery that "talking though clouds" brings to my mind. great short poem that has a lot of meaning!
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Wonderful thoughts in this. Such a sad ending.
Thank you for your entry
Gaylene
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