everyone's so serious anymore.
i don't want to think about
my future and definitely not my past
or what love means to me
or who ruined that definition
or why things are the way they are
or come face to face with my own destructive tendencies
or wonder how i'm going to pay the bills
or worry about the drugs i've done and how they've impacted my thoughts
or wish i could take a summer back
or question my ulterior motives, like my jealousy and my overtly sexual behavior
(and i especially don't want to remember why i've been so sexual since i was a little girl)
or use my own mindgames against myself
or ask why i am running on six hours of sleep and six green tea diet pills
because i threw up everything i ate today.
and i definitely don't want to question why i needed to puke it all up
or get on myself for shoving my fingers down my throat.
i'd rather just laugh about
absolutely nothing,
sitting here, a drunken smile plastered on my crooked lips,
and keep putting off facing reality.
i already know the answers to everything. i'm just not ready to fill in the bubbles yet.
(please forgive me.
deep down, i am nursing a few open wounds
that i am too stubborn
to admit to.)
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