As I glare through the one way windows in my head
I will run no more from the innuendos I so dread
The day a man endows more than a tiny thread
Is the day a mere mutt overshadows a purebred
To the simply sensory systems of some, this may seem complex & ahead
But I expect to perplex subjects who think like objects & let this spread!
Switch the rhyme scheme instead, one who lacks the gleam fails my dissects
Let the unsaid no longer be unread & lets focus on the right subjects!!!
- Individual Poets group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Here.We.GO. by RainbowXButterflies.
550 points, ended October 3, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I def wanted to ignore poetry format and break rules with random line lengths and schemes & still relay a message... please let me know what you think!
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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seriously a good poem, creative how do i add you as a friend?
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Superb
Your poetry is so fun, and so easy to read. I hate reading poetry that you have to read a line over and over before you actually read it right. Your poetry flows straight through from begininng to end, I haven't struggled with any of your poems thus far. and I am sure I won't. Great write, you are so intelligent. It shines through your poetry.
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Interesting
It's pretty cool, a tiny bit confusing but I like he mutt line. Your poem definately (probably spelled wrong) shows truth in how some peopl can feel. It may need some work...
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Powerful poem and very uniquely crafted...well done
I so enjoy reading others' creativity
The best of luck to you!
Thank you for sharing -
Great message in this The rhyme scheme was awesome
Interesting and amazing write Thank you so much for entering my contest and Good luck
-♥Amy♥ -
LOVED THIS! It was really good! awesome job with the rhyme scheme in this piece. I loved it! WOW! keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
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great job..
thanks for entering and good luck...
<3<3<3 -
Such a powerful statement, I loved it. I like the crypric feeling that presents itself here and how true this is. It really makes people feel and think. Please dont ever let the ink run dry!!!
Poetic Hearts -
I liked your sort of declaration at the end of this, though maybe you did use a little too much puncuation and &'s. A good effort.
Well done!
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oh my goodness! This is amazing. You definitely had an abundance of imagery and an interesting form. The emotion shined throughout this piece. I enjoyed reading this write!!! Thankyou for entering my contest and Good Luck!
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powerful and straight statement.... they make their way easily to the heart.... a very deep and beautiful poem...
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well i see this as a powerful and poinent statement.. a great and unique gathering of sentences... thanx for sharing...
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Deep and thoughtful
This is truly a deep poem, with some strong meanings. I don't understand all of it, but I can relate to the first 2 lines, and i really like the last line. Its philosophical, and I cant wait to read more of your writings. P.S. thanks for the comment on my poem
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WOW!
I love it. It is very intelligent... Readin ur stuff now since ur comment to one of mine and I am VERY impressed. Maybe I "get this" because I read the PS on ur profile.
I ABSOLUTELY ADORE your 5th line illiteration... Genius.
Congrats on a great write!
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You are a thinker, aren't you??? This poem made me chuckle, which is quite uncommon. I admire you for standing up for being yourself. I may not be a rule breaker -poetry is so ingrained in me that I don't even think about it- but I diffenately like to see poems that think 'outside the box'. Way to go.
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complex
I feel like an idiot saying this... but I'm guessing that a true understanding of the third line will unlock the sixth and eighth lines of this poem, and thus, the entire poem in general. I feel like an idiot simply because I didn't understand any of those lines I mentioned! I maybe deciphered them partially. You are much smarter than I would have guessed, sir.
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love it.
also, i like the different line lengths because i never follow any rules, or use any particular format.
very nice. -
Really good
amazing write i like the way u have got different line lengths but thts just me XD
lol
thanks 4 ur coment on my poem btw x
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thankx ffor the coment i loive ur poetry i feel ur emotion very stonmgley. keep writing
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I love this its so good!
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I think I needed to read this before heading out to work . I absolutely loved this!! loved the last statement "lets focus on the right subjects!!!"
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holy crap!
this is really good! i like to bold format it works for what you have written. I've gotta go read more of your stuff..
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omg
this is awesome n ty for the comment n tru we can relate to dat
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i really liked that. what a complex way in which u use your words. i love 'let the unsaid no longer be unread' it really stands out for me.
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nice,
I really like this...
your format is amazing! Keep up the good work!
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Well I must say you are brilliant...I compare you to an artist that wants to make his own statement on the canvas...to be his own person! You will find yourself as you write...Do not stop penning, and in doing so like the artist I try to be, you get critiques and encouragement...Keep penning!
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really good man, honestly I just logged on too delete my piece that you commented on; can definitly appreciate your zeal for challengeds too..thanks again..great write.
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Fantastic use of words
This poem is very imaginative. I love the erratic patterns and the subject matter. nice work!
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it was awsome but i havea suggestion
it's just one big stanza my suggstion: as i glare through the one way windows in my head i will run no more frome the innuendos i so dread the day a man endows more than a tiny thread... and os on and so forth but this is premo bitchin' lol
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omg!!
i love this one too!! i love all your work!! omg!! you are soooo amazing, john!! and a true genius!! wow!! omg!! i wish we were closer in distance so we could hang out, because you're the kind of person i love hanging out with!! but you are a true master of lyrics!! and this is AMAZING!!
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You have talent, always continue to write whatever you feel
Great poem, I am a fan of Rhyming and freeverse so you are a great writer and just keep writing until your hearts content, great poem!!!
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Breaking rules of traditional format is not uncommon, and seems to be preferred as the 'modern' way of writing. I think it depends on the write, as to whether free verse appears more apprapriate than rhyme and meter. You will find your comfort zone soon enough. A good write...alby
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I can tell you have talent but I am not a fan of rhyme personally...that said, this was still good but I believe you'd write better doing freeverse.
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"To the simply sensory systems of some"
That alliteration is wonderful!! Nice work!
I imagine this poem being read out with Jazz music being played in the background and cigarette smoke hanging in the air...
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