These cracked walls blend to a hollow mask
I wear as I approach the broken window,
another shadow in the midst of pasts
hidden in the depths of this twisted mind.
Lost horrors unfold as eyes turn to see
white coats rushing in and out of chaos,
they held no hope within their empty voice;
these cracked walls blend to a hollow mask.
Another shadow in the midst of pasts
dissolving into fragments of madness,
their whispers echo in these cracking rooms
as their eyes laugh with malicious delight.
Hidden in the depths of this twisted mind
is but a child weeping his mortal pain,
sickness rises from within to become
last diagnosis of a dying man.
Lost horrors unfold as eyes turn to see
hollow shells of distorted human beings,
standing still in time upon their lost road
while end pulls near to their tired figure.
White coats rushing in and out of chaos
they crafter with their skillful, steady hands.
They saw not the pain of a little boy
but the mask they crafted to stay afar.
They held no hope within their empty voice
and they gave no warning of brutal end,
named the sickness, gave face to the true fears
and then walked away through the unlocked doors.
These cracked walls blend to a hollow mask
I wear as I approach the broken window,
gazing to a mind turned mad and savage
by the hands of doctors who locked the doors.
© Denierim
June 14, 2009
Author notes
From the options given out, I used the song title "Welcome Home (Sanitarium)" by Metallica. Like wanted, I only used the song title, as I'm unfamiliar with the song itself.
In my opinion, this became one of the weirdest poems I've written... lol
I've been reading a lot about mental illnesses and such, and the song title brought all that back to my mind. I wanted to try it out and I hope I did at least an OK job with this one. Freeverse is something I sould study more, but this could've turned out worse.
In a list
A contest entry
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I love tough critique so give me your best shot! :P
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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your word choice was very superb.
thanks for entering -
It was creepy and eerie to read!
and the truth of it....
was painfully wicked and a touch of reality in it
too....
for if they are not medicated
or in sanitariums society typically
throws them out in the street
to survive homeless..
way to write..i thought the repeating of the white coats verse
really sculpted the point into us effectively!
ears/Seattle
you did a good job that was a really tough prompt!
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A tough prompt, but a subject I've kept close to heart for the longest of time. So it was rather easy to get out, if you know what I mean. I'm so very glad you like this piece! Thank you for your words and the comment; they mean a lot to me.
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Oh, so amazing! I enjoyed reading this so much, the choice of words is perfect. It's got powerful imagery, that's another thing I love about it. In that kind of place, people lose hope easily, and that's brilliantly portrayed by the darkness of this poem.
Bravo!
Nela
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Thank you; I'm really glad you like it. Thanks for your words.
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It is easier to lock away that which we cannot truly help nor truly understand for our world has become devoid of compassion, there seems to be little room for anything more than consuming the few years of youth before life becomes mundane.
I say, yes we should turn back time and tack back a little of what has been surrendered in the name of advancement.
I like it, I like it so! -
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I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one with such thoughts. It would be a marvelous thing to turn back time and do all that, but the sad reality is we'll have to try and struggle what we have. No wonder people go insane in a world like this...
I'm very happy that you liked this piece. Thank you for your words and the comment; they mean the world to me.
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I can only share what the words bring to me nothing more, you are most welcome and I really did enjoy reading the poem you know.
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This is a really wonderfully penned piece. I feel the same way about free verse, that I should study it more (most of my pieces are rhyme), but you have done an excellent job here in this free verse. it is really shedding light on a topic that needs to be heard about. Thank you so much for sharing. Please continue to write.
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I'm extremely glad that people like the topic of this piece, as it is a topic not heard a lot. It's a shame really, as there should be more done to it. But anyways, thank you for your words and the comment; they mean a lot to me.
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Today's Featured Poem!!!
This is magnificent, brilliant! You painted mental illness so well, and what it is probably like being in an asylum...congrats on the feature. I am glad Rend shared your talent with all of us!
Blessed Be,
~Raven/Jeremy
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I'm very glad that you like this piece. Thank you for your words and the comment; they mean a lot to me.
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wow this is really deep, and mentals issues are so serious
this is really good! help is out there, i dont normally critque a poem
just tell you what i got out of the write and i really enjoyed this one
thank you for sharing what is very important in the world.
you are featured My friend on Todays Poem
Blessings always
Rend
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I'm glad that you liked it and that I managed to portray it well enough to be understood. Thank you for the comment and the feature, they are both very much appreciated.
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Excellent...
This is a masterpiece holding all of the glorious means to be called such... "Mask in the Locked Shadows" is a shining star in the cosmographic poetic world.
This is a triple AAA composition.
In admiration,
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU -
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Thank you, yet again, for taking the time to read my poetry. I'm so glad you like them and I hope I can keep it up in the future too.
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