As we sail on the sparkling waters,
Of fantasy; I entertain thoughts of
Dreamy landscape, where the mist lifts
And you see what you cannot, normally.
The gulls fly swiftly with the ship,
Banking and turning in the sunset.
They provoke a thought within.
If we could be like gulls, and
Have the same freedom, what then
would happen to us individually?
Author notes
Written March 18th, 2004
A contest entry
- Contest for new March members ~Come Sail Away~ by Barbara.
300 points, ended April 3, 2004, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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nice poem good luck in the contest
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What would we be like I wonder...
This was an interesting piece. You did a nice job with it. Definitely gives the reader some things to seriously think about.
An enjoyable read for sure.
Sam
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Being on the ocean helps one's clarity to become enhanced as there are no distractions of our everyday life.
this is what I felt as I read your poem. It's a lovely entry and thank you.
~Von~ -
I like how you ended this with a question. What would we, as humans, be like if we could achieve the freedom a seagull has? Interesting thought. Enjoyed reading. Good luck and welcome to the site.
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Nice poem with a great imagery written. The line breaks were a little jagged to read, and I have to agree with trueconfession on the period after fantasy. Despite that, I like this poem and its 'feeling'.
Thank you for entering this
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You'd just fly away never to return and live life within the ocean breeze, riding the ocean mist, and eating lotsa fish
Lovely poem
Natalia -
nice poem...good luck in the contest!..hugs..leanne xx
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It seems you enjoy watching the gulls fly with the ship
Lakota x
good luck! -
beautiful thoughts...paints an amaing pictuce in your mind...and makes you think...few words- entire story- GREAT WRITE!
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Ok, my nitpick: I wouldn't use a period after "of fantasy" because it makes the first sentence a fragment and uncomplete. I'd just use a semi-colon if you want some sort of pause/stop there. I like the idea of how you've written this poem: part prose, but still in poetic form. Quite interesting and also very unique. I don't see many poems at this site written in that way, to tell you the truth. Nice job
<3 Tru
Edited on Mar 18, 6:14 p.m. because ''.
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