Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

heat

Missing image

 

i
her cheeks resembled
drops of water balancing
on crimson petals


and when she smiled
nightfall began

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ii
he recalled August
had the most colourful sky
but when she stood beneath it
it seemed a bright grey

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

iii
flames fell along her spine
then curled at the ends,

 


how he longed to rebel
and play with fire

 

 

 

 

Author notes



image credit

In a list

.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • PinkeyPromise
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow i really like this! the first part really stuck out to me it was great!

    ~Divine~


  • Ray Von
    June 20

    Edit | Reply

    Interesting structure

    The first three lines seem to be the only beautiful portrayal of this woman.. Afterwards she seems evil, scary almost. Like everything she touches turns to stone. A dangerous beauty.
    This is how I took this poem.
    I have no suggestions, this poem is perfect as it is.
    Your use of words is very strong and part (iii) makes me feel fear and excitement at the same time.

    Well written
    Maria


  • atticus snow
    June 15

    Edit | Reply
    The conclusive stanza really stood out. I felt that the image synthesis worked brilliantly in it. The preceding stanzas, while good, weren't anywhere near as memorable as the last one.

    I exalt the last section.


  • Randomly Beautiful
    June 15

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this a lot. The images were unique and well constructed. Love the image of the flames curling.