“If trashy lead to fame
and smoke could turn to glitter stars,
then I believe that you would reach great heights.”
The beauty queen of Self Destruction had shimmering tears
falling from her eyes. While choking on her next sentence,
her face told me that she was proud.
Her eyes were like the moon
and the maggots at her feet looked like diamonds
in the underwater candlelight.
I was everything she wanted.
“If every lucid moment in your madness
could shout it’s joy across the ocean floor,
then we would listen
and listen,
but only hear nothing.”
She managed a whisper so soft that only I could hear it.
My shining face contorted into a bittersweet smile
that reflected the beauty of withered rose petals
scattered across our water’s surface.
Silence is sacred.
“If hand grenades only had sugar inside,
and all the little cracks in your heart
were peppermint flavored,
then you would decorate the streets
like the star that tops the tree.”
Her words were graceful,
like the skidding wheels of a car about to crash.
I am a superstar in the making.
Lady Luck in torn up rags,
with a plastic crown upon my head---
A hood rat celebrity
with flaming red eyes
and an elegant stride.
...Then the shimmering tracks on her majesty’s face were wiped away
after she took another drag of menthol crystals.
“Baby,
these really aren’t tears of joy, you know.”
Author notes
June 13, 2009... This poem came straight from deep within my heart, as it reflects my life and how I feel right now. The beauty queen is the ex-girlfriend I am still in love with. She's pretty much doomed because her drug use messed up her life. With the way I've been smoking lately, I've been "heading down the same road" as she says. In the poem, the speaker (who represents myself) is pretty much proud to be a stoner and is talking to the beauty queen about how wonderful life can be when you're on drugs. The beauty queen goes on and on, saying "if being a hood rat was a good thing, you would be loved" in her own way, but the speaker doesn't understand until the very end when you find out that the beauty queen is upset with what the speaker has now become.
A contest entry
- *Options* Please Give It A Look:] by Xxpoison.kissesxX.
1900 points, ended June 25, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
PLEASE be HONEST when commenting my writing. Tell me I SUCK, if that's what you think.
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Wow, this would deserve a standing ovation. I loved this.. it's very vivid and I can tell it holds a lot of meaning.
“If hand grenades only had sugar inside,
and all the little cracks in your heart
were peppermint flavored,
then you would decorate the streets
like the star that tops the tree.”
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I did DQ this, even though essentially it isn't a bad poem.
The reason I DQed it was basically because I didn't think it was specific enough, it seemed like a typical "Hollywood hussy" style we're saturated in. Therefore I didn't find it hard-hitting and raw enough to be in the contest, even though the content was different..
I think the first thing that put me off was the idea of "glitter stars" but that could be the pre-judice of the whole"Dirty pretty" wave, that happened. But still, I enjoyed the quotes it put a lovely turn to it, like some of them were being said by a director or a lover. It was very interesting, it added to the texture of the writing. It was very full and rich with imagary, sometimes it was a little cliched at times. Maybe the idea of that is very difficult to write about, as there's so much rubbish poetry about it. But still, you did stray away from the usual cliches and made some really impressive imagary for the most of it.
My main impression was that it just didn't feel raw or incredibly power. Maybe I'm just de-sensitised.
I'm very glad it wasn't actually about the whole fame idea, which did add more to it.
there was a lot of really good points in this poem, and sugar explosions made it sick and quite twisted.
this is by no means a bad poem, it's actually good, just maybe not my cup of tea for my contest.
But it is well written, and your style is very dynamic.
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Thank you for taking the time to comment this! I've been working on my imagery in the freeverse style, and so far I like how it is turning out. I really appriciate your honesty and I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for taking the time to comment!
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I am a superstar in the making.
Lady Luck in torn up rags,
with a plastic crown upon my head---
A hood rat celebrity
with flaming red eyes
and an elegant stride.
wow these lines really say it all! great writing! good luck with the contest. peace and light, kp
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I really like it
I do some free style and know this is one of those time when no other style would allow your train of thought.
I especailly liked
“If every lucid moment in your madness
could shout it’s joy across the ocean floor,
then we would listen
and listen,
but only hear nothing.”
to me this says so much about so many people's lives - not just those on drugs- I do take exception to pot and don't think it's like the others but know alcohol is just as bad.
Good luck in the contest
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Wow
This is so intense I had to reread in some places!Don't revise this, it has no need for it as it is beautiful and elegant as the raw piece of genius art that it is. The manifest content is so...tactile, gustavtory etc I LOVE FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE especially when it's latent content is so lifelike and something people can relate to. You have penned near a masterpiece in this freeverse, so deep so...wonderful.
The only thing I found to need some sort of looking at or reworking were these lines;
Her words were graceful,
like the skidding wheels of a car about to crash.
The notion and the language are fitting to the rest of the poem (as well as being outstanding ideas, I really like that simile) but the flow isn't the same, it seems to jolt there which makes the rest of the poem suffer.
As to the story behind this, some would argue I'm just a 'pot head', but I'm also a social science student. Pot exists as a hobby and so is interchangeable and coexistant, synonomous if you will with your life...addiction is psychological and so can be dealt with easily. There's only a problem when you think there is (excluding extreme cases of denial) and when this is recognised, recovery has begun
Peace to you fellow poet
x-x HH-S
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WOW, Thank you so much! I love long comments and honest opinions... I'll think about those lines too... I'll see what I can do with them!
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“If hand grenades just had sugar inside,
and all the little cracks in your heart
were peppermint flavored,
then you would decorate the streets
like the star that tops the tree.”
Amazzzzzing words. They blew me away. -
Hmmmm
It kind of wanders and meanders, as if it were drug-induced itself. Like other posters, just being honest as requested. But the emotions of angst and depression come across in it. I thought of a drag queen I saw on stage last night, all glitter and noise and smoke - that is her whole life, and how sad (but she enjoys it so fine, so be it.) So I would say it achieves what it seems to set out to, conveying the sadness underneath the glam and flash. You can always re-work it a bit, and try different approaches.
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I have to straight up admit I cna relate to this poem because I went down this same path for 3 very dark years in my life and well it takes alot out of you to still have feleings of love for someone who is messin their life up doing drugs. any ways your poem is very complicated least to me BUT it makes sense to the point I was able to relate. any ways its sad she is doing this and you ar eon the same path but you cna stop your path and she feels in my opinion like she is tryin to stop you from going down the same apth. any ways good luck with life and on this strugglin addiction and good luck with the contest. overall this poem isn't bad and it is heartfelt
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The writing is clear and shows that you understand the situation. I hope and pray that you will find a way out.
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Well it definately doesnt suck. there are a lot of people who associate drugs use with glamorous lifestyles and Ive been there before. Well done- you really painted a clear picture here. Best of luck with your contest.
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I really do not know what to say!
I really can not connect with your poem. I will be Honest...J don not like for any one to take drugs.
It is everyones option but I've seen to many lives ruined. I know it hard to get off once you start but well worth it. If you can not do it alone there's plenty of help out there.... -
Well you asked for it, and anyways, I clicked on it from the featured secton so I have to leave to comment be it good or bad. It is rather long for my personal reading span, and I got lost in the middle, I didn't get all you said in your author's notes about the drugs from the poem itself.. so I guess this makes it a bit lacking.
This is just my personal opinion, others can see that it is very good and so on.
I didn't want to waste your points.
Sorry!
Nooni
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you can easily tell this came straight from the heart. Wondeful imagery. Amazing write
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This is a great poem. I think the characters are amazing. I think the contrast is obvious but the similarities are much more subtle between the two characters. I think the beauty queen sees so much of herself in the hood rat and it pisses her off. I think that is obvious with the concluding line! Well done
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some wonderful writing here i enjoyed every word keep up the good work, and i'll keep reading, im adding you as a fav, take care
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amazing
well done! i enoyed reading every word. "I am a superstar in the making.
Lady Luck in torn up rags,
with a plastic crown upon my head---
A hood rat celebrity
with flaming red eyes
and an elegant stride." i love this line. you did an amazing job. great poet -
I loved this, this here is a poem, could feel the emotion, beautiful imagery, thank you for entering!:]
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I'm not sure what to say, my ex is still heavy with drinking/drugs. I guess I can only hope you get back on the right path before it's to late to not be able to have that choice anymore. You did a great job writing this piece, I can see easily it's from the heart. Very deep, raw emotions most definitely. Keep up the work, and again I hope things get better.
~~Tori~~
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Simpily amazeing
i love dis! its a really great write!
xoxo
demonchick -
thsi poem is stright from the heart really amazing and dude...
it spilled my tears
i love it!!!
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