three in the morning

and it's like everyday we're supposed to wake up and
feel something but what happens when there's nothing
left to feel and we're just these paper cut outs that some
six year old and her friends are fucking with, trying to
grow up too fast and force sex, love, drugs, alcohol, down
our throats and up our cunts?
    i don't want to wait until i know that i love you,
    i want to love you now and never think about
    the stupid things you call "consequences" and
    you say it like that one word is going to stop me
    from making hasty decisions but what's the first
    thing you know about hasty decisions or
    me?
so we're all pouring these words out of our pores
and our foreheads and our parents look at us like we're
monsters and feeding on each other at daylight because
we didn't come home until three in the morning
which apparently is too late to come home at but i didn't
know that because all i could think about is that you love
me more at three in the morning than any other time in
my life.
    i woke up this morning thinking i won't be
    able to stand another millisecond in the
    shithole that you call my house my world
    and my parents and all these things that
    somehow got placed in my life. why did
    everything have to end up here, like my
    life is a place where odds and ends end up
    or where that cute sweater you wore on
    tuesday but never saw again went?
so i keep kicking the front door yelling that i'm leaving and
you hold me here in your arms and i'm constantly using this
word "leaving" to make you want me and make you hold me
to you at your chest like you're praying with my body crossed
at your heart. and i'm apart of you and your world and nothing
even matters so when we get too comfortable and you start
not coming home at three in the morning, which is when i
know you love me, i start packing my shit up in some pocket
of my own life and crying and shaking and you give me up to
god from your heart and it always feels like we're back at
three in the morning.